


The Long Way Home

by Some1FoundMe



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: F/M, Minor Raylicity, Olicity is Endgame, Sort of major character death, this is a fic from my ff.net days
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-24
Updated: 2018-10-04
Packaged: 2019-07-17 06:20:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 39,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16089821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Some1FoundMe/pseuds/Some1FoundMe
Summary: AU Felicity Smoak-Lance hasn't been back to her home on Star Island in five years. She has avoided it at all costs. She has made her life in Coast City, settling in at a job she enjoys with a man she could someday love. But when she makes the trek home at her mother's request, everything she thought she knew is unraveled.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I wrote this fic a little over three years ago and posted it to fanfiction.net (for you newbies, that's what most of us used before AO3 existed). Anyway, I decided that I wanted to post it here and on tumblr. I've edited some minor things (grammar and such) but the story is the same. I'm going to post this pretty quick since it's complete so be sure to check back for the next chapter!

**Chapter One**

Cold, crisp October air tugged strands of blonde hair free from her ponytail, whipping it across her face.  The body of the man at her side did little to shield her as they stood at the bow of the ferry.  Not that she minded.  Felicity relished the bite of the ocean air.  It reminded her of the life she’d left behind.  It reminded her that this was real, that she was finally going home. 

Ray’s arms tightened around her waist and she sighed, leaning into his embrace.

“You okay?”

She nodded, “I am.”

“You seem nervous.”

She snorted, “You think?  It’s been a long time, Ray.  _Years_.  And I just – I don’t know.  Maybe I’m a little freaked out about coming back here.”

He chuckled at her rushed response and settled his chin on the top of her head.

They’d met at work almost two years earlier.  She had taken a job as the head of research and development at Palmer Technologies, the company that Ray now ran after his father’s retirement.  She hadn’t meant to end up in a relationship with the boss’ son, it had just happened.

“Wow, Felicity…”

The awe in Ray’s voice brought her eyes up from where they’d been focused on her shoes.  Star Island appeared like a mirage before them.  The early morning fog had lifted and from the direction of their approach, they had an unimpeded view of its southernmost point.  On the cliff overlooking the channel, her family home stood proud.  She pointed it out to Ray.

“There it is.  That’s Verdant.”

Ray let out a whistle of appreciation.

“The way you described it doesn’t do it justice.  It’s beautiful, Felicity.”

She couldn’t find the words to respond.  It had been a long time since she’d stepped foot on Star Island.  Five years, to be exact.  And seeing it now before her, rising out of the Pacific with such grace, caused a swarm of butterflies to take flight in her belly.

Felicity hadn’t wanted to come.  She had – in fact – adamantly refused.  Until her mother’s guilt trip had become too much to bear.  She hadn’t really given an explanation as to why it was suddenly so important for Felicity to return, but her mom’s persistence had finally worn her down.

When she’d brought it up to Ray that she was taking a week to return home, he’d invited himself along.

She couldn’t exactly tell him that she’d prefer it if he didn’t join her.  They’d been a couple for more than a year.  They lived together, worked together, spent almost all of their time together.  And while Ray was a great guy and they had so much in common, her heart and her brain couldn’t get on the same page where their relationship was concerned.  She had wanted to ask him to stay home in Coast City but she hadn’t been able to come up with a reasonable excuse.

When the ferry reached the dock, the fluttering in her stomach erupted like a volcano.  She thought she might hack.

They left the boat with their luggage in tow and Felicity clutched the strap of her bag with both hands to hide the fact that they were shaking.  She moved on autopilot with Ray right behind her and when her mother suddenly appeared on the crowded pier, tears sprang to her eyes.  She released the handle of her suitcase and rushed into her mom’s arms.

“Oh my baby girl, I’ve missed you.”

A tiny sob escaped her and Felicity buried her face in her mother’s shoulder.

“What is it?  What’s wrong, hun?”

She sniffled, drawing away, and wiped at the tears behind her glasses.

“Sorry, Mom.  Nothing’s wrong.  I – I just missed you,” she explained, hating how vulnerable she sounded.

A throat being cleared behind her reminded Felicity that she hadn’t come alone.

“Mom, this is Ray Palmer.  Ray, this is my mom, Donna.”

Ray stepped forward to shake her mother’s hand and Felicity didn’t miss the appreciative gleam in her mom’s blue eyes.  She rolled her own.  Ray was an attractive man, she couldn’t deny that, but it was her mom’s obvious approval that she found amusing.

“Mrs. Smoak, um, Smoak-Lance?”

Donna smiled, “It’s just Lance.  Felicity is the only one who chose to hyphenate.  Not that her dad and I mind, of course.  It’s nice to get both family names out there.  And please, Ray, call me Donna.”

Ray graced them with a brilliant smile.

“It’s nice to finally meet you, Donna.  Felicity has told me so much about you.”

It was the appropriate thing to say but Felicity knew it couldn’t be further from the truth.  She never talked about home.  Or her family, as much as she loved them.  When she’d run from Star Island, she’d left everything behind.

She reclaimed her bag and followed after her mom and Ray as they headed toward downtown.  Her mom had her arm looped with Ray’s, guiding him along as she spoke animatedly about the island and its residents.  Her voice acted as narrator to the scenes playing out before Felicity’s eyes.  She found herself examining everything, her gaze wandering from storefront to storefront, person to person.  Memories came flooding back quickly and a sense of longing shook her to her core.

“Our family has lived here going back three generations now,” her mom explained, “Of course, the island and the village were originally founded by the Queen family.  They’re still here, as are a handful of other families that live here year-round.  It’s mostly seasonal, I’m sure Felicity explained that, but there are a couple hundred of us who stay during the off-season.”

She had explained the gist of it on their drive from the city.  Star Island had been founded in the mid-1800’s by the Queen family as a home for their summer house.  Over the years, it had turned into a permanent residence for the family.  Rumor had it that a scandal on the mainland had chased them to the island in the forties and they’d simply chosen to stay.  Whatever the reason, Star Island had become a flourishing spot for vacationing families of all shapes and sizes.

But for Felicity, it was home.  It was where she had met her first friend, where she had ridden her first bike, kissed her first boy, built her first computer.  It was the place all of her memories centered around.

“No way!  I must be dreaming!  You’re a hallucination, right?”

Her mind didn’t register the voice quickly enough and she was swept up in a crushing hug before she could prepare herself.

“Barry!  Put me down!”

She was laughing by the time he set her on her feet and she smacked at his arm.

“Wow, look at you, little ‘Lis is all grown up.”

She was sure she was blushing but she couldn’t wipe the stupid grin from her face.  Barry grinned back.

“I don’t look all that different, Barry.  Where are you headed to this early?” she questioned, “Catching the ferry?”

He nodded, “Some of us do work for a living.  I didn’t know you were coming home, though, or I would’ve taken some time off.  Wait ‘til Caitlin finds out!”

She hadn’t seen Barry and Caitlin since their wedding almost a decade earlier.

“Oh, gosh, I’m sorry.  Barry, this is my boyfriend, Ray.  Ray, my cousin Barry.”

Barry hesitated for just a moment before taking the hand Ray had extended to him.  She didn’t think that Ray had noticed, but she certainly had.

“Nice to meet you.  Felicity doesn’t normally bring her boyfriends home.  As a matter of fact, ‘Lis doesn’t normally bring herself home so…”

The awkward silence that would’ve inevitably followed that statement was avoided when the blast of the ferry horn cut through the air.

“Shit.  I’m going to miss it.  I’ve got to go!  I’ll see you later!”

And then Barry was off and running, heading in the direction from which they’d come.  The three of them watched him go for a moment before resuming the trek to the inn.

“Any other family members that we can expect to run into while we’re here?”

Her mother explained to Ray that Cisco, Barry’s younger brother, and their parents lived on the island as well.  Cisco, Felicity discovered, was on sabbatical from his job at Star Labs after an accident in the lab.  It was more than likely that they would see her cousins and her aunt and uncle before they returned to Coast City.

“And what about your oldest daughter?  Laurel, right?”

Ray’s question was so unexpected that Felicity stumbled.  He didn’t seem to notice.

“Laurel isn’t here,” her mother answered softly, “As far as I know, she’s fine.”

Felicity watched as her mom disengaged herself from Ray’s side and continued up the road without them.  He turned to her, clearly confused, and she sighed.

“Should I not have asked about Laurel?”

She rubbed at an ache that seemed to be forming in the middle of her forehead.

“I should’ve told you.  My sister is kind of a sore subject for my parents.  We don’t … it’s probably in everyone’s best interest if we don’t talk about her.”

Ray took her hand as they trailed after her mom.

“What’s the deal with that?” he asked, “You never really talk about her.  I guess it didn’t dawn on me that something was wrong there.”

She let out a huff of frustration.  This was exactly why she hadn’t wanted him to come with her.  His line of questioning, while not ridiculous, was unwelcome and while she hadn’t set the decorum of what she did and did not want to talk about, she had hoped the fact that she avoided talking about her family at all would’ve been a big enough hint for him.

“Laurel is just- we don’t… please, just don’t bring her up again, okay?”

Her tone was more harsh than she’d really intended but after only twenty minutes on the island, he’d upset her mom and caused her own hackles to rise.  She’d known that bringing an outsider to Star Island was a mistake.

“I understand, Felicity.  I’m sorry.”

Her ire faded in a rush and she squeezed his hand.

“It’s fine, really.  Come on.”

She tugged him forward and as they reached the crest of the hill, Felicity stopped to look out over the harbor.

“I can’t imagine what it was like growing up with this as your view day in and day out.”

She nodded, “It’s breathtaking.  You should see it in the summer.  Boats dotting along the horizon for as far as you can see.  And during a thunderstorm, when the lightning flashes out over the water.  It’s incomparable.”

They turned together to face the house behind them.

Verdant.  Her parents’ livelihood, their inn.  Her home.  It was just as she remembered it, its tall turret a sign of the Victorian architecture that was prominent on the island.  The soothing green wood shingles and white trim the reason for its name. 

Her mother waited on the front steps.

“The house looks beautiful, Mom.  Has Dad painted it recently?”

It looked to be in impeccable shape, better even than when it had first opened, and as she took in more of the details, Felicity noticed a number of small improvements.

“Dad’s been working so much down at the docks that he hasn’t had time to do anything around here at all, really,” her mom explained, “We’ve actually hired someone on to do the maintenance for us.”

Felicity frowned.  She wasn’t keen on the idea of anyone outside of their family working at the inn.  It meant too much to her parents.

“Anyone that I know?”

Her mother didn’t respond and Felicity felt the hair on her arms rise.  When her mom turned to face her, there was something in her expression that Felicity didn’t recognize.

“Mom?”

“Honey, I’ve been meaning to te-“

“Mrs. Lance, I took care of the ceiling fan on the back porch but I couldn’t –“

She felt herself moving, knew that she had turned to face the person whose voice she had recognized the moment that it’d reached her ears, but she hadn’t consciously decided to do so.  Her eyes met his, dark blue and haunted and staring back at her for the first time in longer than she could remember.

_A ghost.  He has to be a ghost._

Her heart was thrumming loudly in her ears, so loudly that it drowned out the sounds of her mother and Ray beside her. 

“Oliver?”


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

Oliver paused halfway up the front porch steps.  His gaze was locked with hers and Felicity felt her soul ignite.  She felt a fire blossom in her veins and tear through her body.  It was a feeling that had been buried inside of her, one that she hadn’t allowed herself to feel in a very long time, and it knocked the air from her lungs.  Her knees gave out suddenly and she sank unceremoniously to the ground.  Ray reached for her, his grip on her arm steadying her even as she ended up on the floor.

“Sweetheart, are you alright?”

His voice was muffled as it reached her ears.  She had never experienced tunnel vision like she did in that moment.  All she could see was him.  She could register nothing else.  The man in front of her watched her with hooded eyes, his jaw locked tight, and as she continued to stare at him, a million images from their shared childhood flashed through her mind.  Her erratically beating heart only seemed to pound harder the longer she sat there and she had to blink several times to clear the haze that was settling over her.

Ten years had passed since she had laid eyes on the man standing before her.  If she had believed in ghosts, she would’ve thought that he was nothing more than an apparition.  He had changed, had grown into a man that she would’ve been proud to stand beside, and she found herself examining every visible feature of him.

He was tall, his bare chest and stomach a mass of hard muscle, shining with a coat of sweat even in the cool of the morning.  His once pale skin was sun-kissed and, she realized belatedly, littered with countless scars.  She had to force herself not to touch him.  His dirty blonde hair was short and disheveled and his jaw was dusted in two day old stubble. 

Felicity could only imagine the expression that had found its way to her face.  Shock racked her system, stealing her voice and any control that she had over her body.

“I – I thought you… we all thought…”

The sentence came out a jumbled mess but she couldn’t make her mouth work properly.  She shook her head.

He stared at her, his own hardened expression unwavering.  A mask had settled over the face that had lived in her dreams for most of her life.  Whatever it was that he was feeling in that moment, Oliver refused to show it to her, to any of them.

“I know,” he muttered, his voice that same low cadence that had always warmed her from the inside out, “But I’m not.  I’m here.”

Her body shook with barely controlled restraint.

“Why didn’t anyone tell me?  Why didn’t you… Why didn’t you come and find me, Oliver?”

He looked away from her, allowing her question to hang in the air between them, and tears formed in her eyes for the second time in less than an hour.  The gaping distance left between them caused pain to grip her heart like a vice.  She suddenly realized that the man she saw was not the one she had known.  He was a stranger to her.

“Felicity?”

Ray’s concerned inquiry pulled her fully out of her fog and she glanced up at him.  It was clear that he was confused and worried and when she opened her mouth to explain, she once again found herself at a loss for words.

Finally, she cleared her throat and found her voice.

“Ray, this is Oliver.  Oliver, this is Ray.”

Ray grasped her by the elbow and helped her to her feet.  With his arm around her waist, he kept her steady at his side.  Finding Oliver there had left her weak and weary.

“Ray Palmer.  Felicity’s boyfriend.”

She flinched at his side, something else he didn’t seem to register, and she watched as the two of them shook hands.  Ray’s title didn’t seem to disturb Oliver in the least. 

“Oliver Queen.”

She saw Ray’s eyes widen in recognition, “Queen, huh?  Your family founded the island, right?  From what Felicity has told me, they’re still pretty prominent in the way things are run.”

Oliver gave a brief nod in response.  If Ray wanted to know more about the Queen family, he wasn’t going to get that information from Oliver.  And if he thought that she would be more willing to share, he had another thing coming. 

“You didn’t mention that you were friends with the Queens,” Ray said to her.

She blinked up at him, her jaw clenched, and gave him a quick nod.

“Oliver and I grew up together.”

A heavy silence settled over them and Felicity felt herself growing anxious.  She had expected some odd encounters when Ray had invited himself along on her trip.  She hadn’t been sure how her friends and family would react to his presence in her life and she’d prepared herself for the awkwardness that would surely ensue from introducing him to everyone.  She couldn’t have begun to prepare for the moment that they currently seemed stuck in.

“Baby, why don’t you and Ray head inside and get settled,” her mother suggested, her voice startling Felicity so badly that she jumped at Ray’s side.  She’d forgotten her mother was there, “I’ll get breakfast together and we can eat on the back patio.”

Felicity turned to her mother with wide, unseeing eyes.  Guilt ate up her mother’s expression and she fought back the anger that boiled inside of her.  She had known.  Her mother had known for some unidentified amount of time that Oliver was alive and yet she hadn’t called to tell her.  It was all she could do not to grab her bags and rush off to catch the first ferry off of the island.

“Thanks, Mrs. Lance.  That would be great.”

Felicity didn’t fight as Ray steered her by the elbow through the front door.  She cast a glance over her shoulder, catching sight of Oliver’s heavily scarred back just as the screen door closed.  When they were alone in the entryway, she took over, leading him up the stairs to her bedroom quickly, not giving him a chance to look around.

“Would you like to tell me what the hell that was about?” Ray asked, perching himself on the end of her bed as she shut them in her bedroom.

She hesitated before crossing the room and dropping heavily onto the bed beside him.  The hand that reached for hers was meant to be comforting, she knew, but she didn’t welcome his touch.  She barely kept herself from flinching.

“I really don’t know, Ray,” she mumbled truthfully. 

He sighed, “Don’t do this, Felicity.”

She frowned.

“Do what?”

“Avoid the problem.  You’re used to it, I know, but I’m asking you now not to do this.”

She shot to her feet and whirled on him.

“I’m not avoiding anything, I –“

“You and I talk about everything but your past, your childhood, your family.  But you brought me here and I thought that it was a step in the right direction.  I thought it was a sign that you were ready to open up.”

She bit her lip to keep her ‘loud  voice’ from coming out.  He was right.  She had – for as long as she’d known him – avoided getting too deep into her life on Star Island.  It wasn’t him.  It wasn’t because she didn’t trust him, she did.  It was because the pain of it was unbearable and rehashing what she’d been through with an outsider would do her no good.

“Look, Felicity, we’ve been through this.  Whatever happened to you here, it’s behind you.  It doesn’t bother me.  But the way you reacted to Oliver just now… What did he do to you, Felicity?”

Felicity closed her eyes and inhaled slowly through her nose, letting the air leave her lungs in a rush before she responded.

“Oliver didn’t do anything to me, Ray.  He – We’ve known each other our whole lives.  He was my best friend and I haven’t seen him in almost a decade.  I was just surprised, that’s all.”

Ray watched her.  She could see the questions in his eyes.  He knew that there was more to the story than what she was telling him but it was her story.  It was _their_ story.  She wasn’t quite ready to share it with him.

“Let’s go have breakfast.”

She didn’t wait for him to argue.  Instead, she turned and left her room ahead of him.  As she descended the stairs, she slowed her pace and took in the collage of photos that her mother had hung there.  The walls were full, the collection large.  Many of the photos were of Felicity and her sister, Laurel, showing the transition of their lives from children to teenagers to adults.  Additional photos of their family were mingled in.  They were mostly candid shots, snapped at various stages of their lives, proof of the normal childhood that they had been privileged to have.  At the landing where the staircase made a ninety degree turn, Felicity froze.

In the center of the wall before her, the focal point of the collage, hung a large black and white photo in a heavy wooden frame.  The subjects in the photo were in each other’s arms, each of them smiling, a quiet moment captured on film.  Centered among the myriad family photos in their mix and match frames, this photo was clearly the one that had started her mother’s collection.  It caused Felicity’s heart to flutter.

“I think that may be the most beautiful photo of you on that wall.”

She turned, finding her father climbing the stairs behind her.  Just like her mother, he hadn’t changed.  His scruff was graying and his face housed a few more lines than it had the last time she’d seen him, but he was still the same man that she had said goodbye to.  She smiled at him, the action so genuine it made her cheeks ache, and stepped into his arms.

“Hi there, kiddo.  It’s good to have you home.”

Felicity squeezed him, “I missed you, Daddy.”

“I’ve missed you, too, little girl.”

They both turned to the photo and she was thankful that he kept an arm around her waist.  She had always been his girl.

“No one told me he was back,” she murmured, “No one told me that he was home, Dad.”

“I know.”

She rested her head on his shoulder and they stood in silence for a long moment.

“Why didn’t Mom tell me that he was alright?  Why didn’t you?”

Her father sighed, “He asked us not to, honey.”

A part of her had been prepared for her father’s response but it didn’t ease the pain that his words brought on.  What she had told Ray had been the truth.  Growing up, Oliver had been her best friend.  The fact that he had returned home and hadn’t wanted – for whatever reason – to let her know, broke a piece of her heart.

Ray appeared behind them then, descending the stairs quietly, and as she faced him, she observed his stiff posture.  His hands were tucked into his pockets but his shoulders were rigid.  It was going to be a long week.

“Dad, this is my boyfriend, Ray.  Ray, this is my dad, Quentin.”

Ray shook his hand, “It’s nice to meet you, Mr. Lance.”

“So you’re the man who’s trying to corrupt my kid, huh?”

She flushed, swatting her dad’s shoulder.

“Dad!”

Ray laughed, shaking his head, and gave her father a quick nod.

“That’s me, sir.”

She watched her father and Ray walk down the stairs together and disappear into the dining room.  She knew that she should follow but the photo behind her drew her back in.  She stared at it, the memory of that night flashing through her mind like glimpses of a movie that she couldn’t remember watching.  But that was because she hadn’t been an observer.  She hadn’t been watching the moment from the outside, she had been living it.

They were teenagers in the photo.  Oliver had been nineteen, her only seventeen, and her mom had been the one to capture the image of them.  They were standing on the sidewalk in front of the inn, the sky behind them had been nothing but blinding sunlight, and he’d stood opposite her, cradling her face in his hands. 

It had been the night of her senior prom.  She’d expected to go solo, to meet up with her friends and their dates, because Oliver wasn’t supposed to be there.

“Felicity, honey, breakfast!”

She shook her head and dashed down the stairs.  This place was full of memories, of ghosts that lingered in every corner, and she had six more days to go before she could put them behind her again.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

She couldn’t seem to relax.  Her father and Ray were talking about the house, about the business and the island, but Felicity was aware of only one thing. 

She could see him at the edge of their property, an ax cutting through the air every few minutes with a solid thwack, split logs falling to the ground after every swing.  She watched the swing of his arms and tried not to marvel at the smoothness of the action.  The muscles of his back rippled beneath his skin with each movement.

“It really is beautiful here.  The view… it’s spectacular.”

Her father smirked, “Most beautiful place on earth, if you ask me.  And the house, well, we’re proud of what we have here.  The girls, when they were young, liked to tell everyone we lived in a castle.  With the turret, of course, it resembles one.  Laurel’s room was up there and I cannot begin to tell you how many fights I had to break up because those two couldn’t agree who got to be the princess.”

“Princess Felicity, huh?” Ray teased, the smile on his face genuine.

It seemed that he and her father got along well enough and being around her dad had eased some of the tension between them.

“Laurel was the oldest so she seemed to think it was her birthright to be the princess all the time,” she explained, “She always wanted me to be the evil queen.”

Ray and her dad laughed and she found herself relaxing ever so slightly.  When her mom stepped outside with a tray of muffins, Felicity reached for one to distract herself.

“Mom’s muffins are famous,” Felicity explained, peeling back the wrapper, “Everyone on the island orders baskets of them for bridal showers and baby showers and any other occasion they can use as an excuse.  You’ve got to try the banana – no nuts, of course- they’re my favorite.”

She took a bite and fought to hold back the moan of appreciation that wanted to leave her lips.  It had been a long time since she’d had one of her mom’s famous muffins. 

“I myself happen to be partial to the carrot, Ray,” her dad told him, “But they’re all great.  Donna is a wonderful baker.  One of the many reasons why I married her.”

As they ate their breakfast, Felicity’s eyes traveled around the porch.  It was easy to spot the simple changes that had been made, the balustrades that she and Laurel had broken when they were young had been replaced and the chipped paint was no longer chipped but fresh and new.  Several floorboards that had once been loose were as steady as ever and the steps leading into the freshly mowed yard had been completely replaced.  It seemed that Oliver had done well for the money her parents were paying him.

“There are still a few things that we’d like to see finished before winter rears her ugly head but it’s getting there,” her father was telling Ray, “A few of the upstairs windows need replaced but Ollie can’t manage it all by himself.  Unfortunately, I just don’t have time the time to help him out.”

She didn’t hear Ray’s reply.  She stood and took a cup of coffee from the tray her mother had set on the table, ambling down the steps and into the yard.

The wooded area behind her family home was a vibrant painting of red and gold, the leaves turning as autumn was quickly fading into winter.  It had always been her favorite time on the island, the short few weeks before the trees became bear and snow threatened. 

“Are you alright?”

The sound of his voice jumpstarted her heart and Felicity clapped her hand over her breast.  Oliver stood behind her, a respectable distance between them, but she felt the heat of him as if he were actually touching her.  She hadn’t meant to wander so close to where he’d been cutting wood but her feet had carried her to him of their own accord.  She found herself unable to remove her eyes from his.

“I’m fine.”

His face was still that same cold mask that he had greeted her with previously but his eyes had warmed and she saw a bit of her Oliver there.

He looked away, lifting the ax still in his hands, and swung.

Felicity moved to step away from him but as her eyes took him in one last time, she caught sight of the swirling black ink etched on his ribcage.  It wasn’t his only tattoo, he had several including a crude dragon on his left shoulder blade, but this one was different.  She reached for him without thought, catching his arm with her fingers tight on his elbow.  He lowered the ax, setting it aside, and angled himself to face her fully.

“What is it, Felicity?”

She felt a series of emotions pass through her, warring for dominance, but her heart couldn’t settle on one.

“Lift up your arm.”

His eyes widened and there was a hint of warning in his tone.

“Felicity.”

She grasped his elbow more tightly and drew him forward.  He didn’t resist her, lifting his arm over his head to grant her the access that she’d requested.

Her breath caught as her hand rose to drift across the intricate script.  She was trembling.  She recognized the word for what it was, a name only Oliver had ever dared to call her.

_Flick_.

Felicity released his arm as if she’d been burned and stumbled away.  She half expected him to come after her, to stop her retreat and tell her that it would be okay, that they would be okay.  But his voice, when it came, was hollow and broken.

“Felicity, don’t.”

She shook her head, her damp eyes stinging, and retreated another step.

“Felicity, please, please don’t cry,” he pleaded.

She felt something inside of her shattering.  Every instinct told her to run toward him, to draw him into her arms and to allow him to do the same to her.  Ten years worth of pain had been bottled up inside of her so deep that if uncorked, she knew she would explode.  It was buried in her bones, hidden in their depths, and seeing him there before her brought it rushing to the surface.  She couldn’t control the tear filled sob that escaped her.  But she was able to stop the next from coming.

“Why?  Why would you stay away, Oliver?  Why didn’t you want me to know that you were here?  That you –“

The hurt in his eyes cut her.  The pain he so obviously wanted to hide couldn’t stay hidden forever.

“Felicity.”

She shook her head, “Why?  Answer the question, Oliver, please.  Why?”

For a moment she thought that he would explain.  Instead, he retrieved the ax from where it had been discarded and left her standing there alone.  Tears dampened her cheeks.

When she moved this time, it wasn’t to return to where she’d left Ray with her father on the porch.  Felicity rounded the house instead, bypassing a confrontation that would undoubtedly leave her in pieces, and entered through the front door.  She dropped onto the sofa in the sitting room and closed her eyes, clutching her head in her hands.

“Oh, baby, I’m sorry.”

Her mother’s arms wrapped around her and Felicity leaned into the warmth.  Tears continued to trek down her cheeks.  They had been on Star Island for less than six hours and everything she had thought she’d buried deep was being dragged to the surface.  If she had only known what she was coming home to, she never would’ve returned.  Certainly not with Ray in tow.

Wiping her face on her sleeve, she leveled her mother with an accusatory glare.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Her mom sighed, “Sweetheart, Oliver asked us not to.  And before you go and tell me that, as your mother, I should’ve told you anyway, I couldn’t do that to him.  We don’t know what he’s been through.  He’s been gone for a very long time and I think that this is a lot harder for him than any of us can imagine.”

“Has he told you anything?  Where has he been?  Do you or Daddy know what happened to him?”

“As far as I know, he hasn’t really been open with anyone.  For the better part of six years, Moira has been begging for information about him.  She just needed someone to tell her if he was dead or alive and when word finally came that he’d been declared missing in action, that was the end of it.  I haven’t spoken to her much since… since you left the island but they continued searching for him even after the ruling came down,” Donna explained, “We all thought that he was gone.  But he turned up on Moira’s doorstep a couple of months ago and –“

“Months?”

Felicity’s surprised gasp cut her mother off.  Those familiar blue eyes were full of sympathy, empathy, and even a bit of contrition.  He had been home for months and no one had bothered to tell her.

The screen door bounced roughly off of its frame as someone stepped inside and Felicity’s head turned at the sound.  Ray stood there, the tension in his shoulders evident again, as he watched her with her mom. 

“I’ll leave you two to talk.”

She watched her mother exit the room and a moment later, Ray took the spot beside her that had been vacated.

“Felicity, what’s going on?  I’ve never seen you like this.  Crying and… and withdrawn.  This isn’t the girl that I know.”               

She couldn’t respond.  He was right.  This wasn’t her.  At least, as far as Ray knew, she wasn’t this girl.  Vulnerable and weak and a walking disaster.  The woman that Ray had known for the duration of their relationship was headstrong and witty and brilliant and dedicated.  She was a mask that Felicity had donned in the face of tragedy.  She had walked away from everyone and everything and she had become someone else in order to survive. 

Ray deserved to hear the truth.  He was trying to be patient, to be understanding, but the fact that she had done a complete one eighty in such a short period of time clearly had him worried.

She took a slow, even breath and willed away the pain that encompassed her heart.

“God, I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean to turn into this emotional mess the minute we got here.  Obviously being back on the island is bringing up some stuff that I’d thought I’d let go.  Apparently not, if the waterworks are any indication, but look, I’m good now.  Promise.  I’m fine.”

His eyes on her were challenging her to show him that her words were a lie but she held her ground, affixing a plastic smile on her face and forcing her shoulders to relax.

“Okay,” he sighed, “But if it gets to be too much, just remember that we can leave whenever we want.  There’s a car waiting at the port that will take us back to Coast City.  Just say the word.”

Felicity stood and held out her hand to him.  He took it without hesitation.

“Let’s get out of here for a little while,” she urged, “We can go for a ride.  I can show you the island.”

He grinned down at her, his free hand brushing a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

“You can ride a bike?” he teased, “I’ve seen you trip over your own two feet more times than I can count.  Are you sure it’s safe?”

She snorted, “Thanks for the vote of confidence, Palmer.  And I’ll have you know, I used to ride my bike everywhere.  I mean, I didn’t even learn to drive until I went away to college.  I didn’t need to.”

They left through the front door and Felicity led him to the shed at the side of the house where her father had always kept the spare bicycles that guests of the inn could use freely.  Mounting the bikes, they rode away from the house, up Murray Hill and along the bluff overlooking Star Harbor. 

“The old saying really is true,” she called to Ray where he rode a few yards ahead of her, “You know, about never forgetting how to ride a bike?  I haven’t done this in years!”

His laugh carried back to her on the wind.  It felt good to do something normal, something that had been a part of her life for as long as she could remember, and as the wind stung her cheeks, the plastic smile she’d put on for Ray gave way to a real one.

When they paused to rest a few minutes later, she was breathing hard and her face hurt from laughing.

“I can’t believe you’ve stayed away this long, Felicity,” Ray said again, “This place is …”

He shook his head and the smile he gave her was full of wonder.  She felt a small fluttering in her chest.  He was an attractive man, truly, with rich dark hair and a beautiful smile.  She had been drawn to his charm and intellect.  He understood her, understood the work that she did and the way that her mind worked.  They made sense together, she and Ray, but just because they worked on paper, didn’t mean that they could love one another.  It didn’t mean that she could love him. 

Felicity cleared her throat and looked away, uncomfortable with where her thoughts had suddenly wandered.

The moment she realized where they had ended up, her heart jumped in her throat.

“Ray, this is… this is the Queen house.  This is Queen Manor.”

Unlike her parents’ home, the house where Oliver had grown up really did resemble a castle.  It’s gothic architecture and stone walls made the home seem dark and cold and even though the inside wasn’t as harsh, Felicity had never felt comfortable there.

“Is that his mother?  Oliver’s, I mean.”

She saw Moira Queen too late, realizing that the other woman had seen her as well and that she couldn’t leave without speaking to her.

“It is.  Look, I – I really should say hello.  I’ll be just a minute if you want to wait.”

Ray caught her hand, squeezing her fingers, and glanced over at Oliver’s mother.

“It’s okay.  I’ll head back to the inn.  Why don’t you meet me there when you’re done?”

She nodded, “I won’t be long.”

The moment he’d descended the crest of Murray Hill, she turned her attention to the home where her best friend had grown up.  A home she had visited many times over.  Moira Queen was expecting her.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to say a quick thank you to everyone reading this and everyone taking the time to leave a comment! Your kind words are greatly appreciated!

**Chapter Four**

She woke from the nightmare with a strangled gasp filling the otherwise quiet bedroom.  Ray was stretched out beside her, his head turned away, snoring softly.  The light coming in through her window was dull and told her that dawn was approaching.

Her talk with Moira the previous afternoon had been tense and awkward.  Oliver’s mother had never truly liked her or approved of her relationship with Oliver but she’d always been civil.  It had been odd talking to her knowing that the last time they’d spoke had been the night before Felicity had left the island.  She wasn’t surprised that she’d had a nightmare about that final encounter.

With a quick glance at the clock, Felicity got out of bed.  She gathered her clothes and running shoes, leaving a note for Ray beneath his phone, and crept into the bathroom to change.

The inn was quiet, it was far too early for any sane person to be awake, and as she stepped off of the front porch, she stretched her arms over her head and stifled a yawn.  The grass was white with frost and even though the sun was beginning to rise, she could still see the moon and stars in the sky overhead.  The harbor was dark, the ocean a sheet of black ink, and Felicity tucked headphones into her ears before setting off.

The chilly air felt good on her too-warm skin as she kept a brisk pace.  She ascended Murray Hill, choosing to ignore Queen Manor as she passed, and swung right along Rose Lane, heading inland.  The further she traveled from the coast, the cooler it became.  The canopy of trees overhead blocked whatever sunlight tried to seep through and her eyes struggled to adjust to the shadows.  When the cemetery gate came into view, she slowed.  Stopping at the entrance, she found herself suddenly afraid.  Why, she couldn’t explain.  Felicity had been inside the cemetery walls more times that she wished to remember.  It had never been a place that frightened her.

She entered through the gates before she could talk herself out of it and made her way along the familiar path.  She counted the headstones as she went.  She had visited him here before.  She used to come whenever she needed someone to talk to, when there was no one else around to listen.  Sitting down in the damp grass, Felicity ran her fingers over the smooth granite.

“Hey, Tommy.  I know it’s been awhile.  Life sort of got in the way.”

It wasn’t a real excuse.  It was generic and that wasn’t what he deserved.  She sighed.

“I couldn’t come back here.  Not after… not after Oliver.  It was too much.  Too many painful memories, too many reminders of the life that I thought we’d have.  I was scared, Tommy, and alone and –“

She shook her head.

“I hope you know that I have never stopped thinking about you, that I’ve never stopped missing you.  You were my friend, one of the best, and after everything that happened, I’m so sorry Tommy.”

“You do know that you weren’t at fault, right?  What happened to Tommy was an accident.”

She was barely able to bite back a scream at the sudden intrusion.  She whirled around.

The young woman who appeared out of the darkness was just the same as Felicity remembered.  Her warm brown hair was a little shorter but other than that, Thea hadn’t changed.  She sat down at Felicity’s side and draped an arm around her shoulders.

“Your mom mentioned you were coming home,” Thea told her, “I thought you would’ve come to see me.”

Felicity shrugged, “I planned on it today.  Yesterday was a little… rough.  There’s a ghost wandering around at my parents’ inn, have you heard?”

The accusation held a bit of bite but Felicity didn’t try to retract it.  Thea had been her friend since the first grade.  She loved her like a sister, was closer to her than she was to her actual sister, but she couldn’t help the feeling of betrayal that had crept into her heart.  All of the people that she loved, that she trusted, had been keeping a secret from her.

“I’m sorry, ‘Lis,” Thea sighed, “I wanted to tell you but Ollie –“

“Yeah, I know, he asked you not to.  Apparently he gave the same speech to everyone.”

“He’s my big brother.  I couldn’t go against him.  Not on this.  Can you forgive me?”

Felicity huffed out a laugh.

“You know that I can never stay mad at you, Speedy.”

Thea lay her head on Felicity’s shoulder and hugged her.  They sat together for a long moment in silence, the only sounds in the cemetery that of the birds waking up with the sun. 

“I brought Ray home with me.  If I – If I’d known he was here I –“

“You wouldn’t have brought him along?” Thea asked, “Look, Felicity, no one blames you for moving on with your life.  You deserve to be happy.  You deserve to live.”

“I thought he was gone.”

“So did I.  We all did.”

Thea stood and pulled Felicity up with her.  She set a hand on Tommy’s headstone and closed her eyes for a moment.

“Love you.”

Felicity looped her arm with Thea’s and started back on the path that would lead them out of the cemetery.

“How’s Roy?”

Thea grinned at the mention of her husband.

“He’s good.  Working like crazy, but good.”

Roy and Thea had been high school sweethearts.  When Thea had left the island to attend design school in the city, he’d gone with her.  He’d joined the police academy, Thea had started a successful clothing line and they’d eloped.  They’d come back to Star Island the year after Oliver went missing.

“And he’s okay just being a part of a small town sheriff’s department?”

Her friend shrugged, “He’s okay being home for dinner every night and not fearing for his life every time he walks out the door.  The city is a scary place for a cop, ‘Lis.”

“I imagine it is.”

They talked about everything from Thea’s clothing line to Felicity’s newest invention for Palmer Technologies to Thea’s future baby plans.  By the time they made it back to Verdant, Felicity felt as if some of the weight that she’d been carrying had been lifted.

Ray was sitting in one of the rocking chairs as they approached and he waved to them.  Felicity noticed that he was on the phone and waved back.

“Well he’s cute, at least,” Thea whispered as they stepped inside.

Felicity rolled her eyes, “At least.”

Thea paused beside her and Felicity followed her gaze.  The photo of her and Oliver was hard to miss.

“Wow.  I haven’t been in here in a while but… wow.  When did she put that up?”

Felicity shrugged, “I’ve got no idea.”

“Has Ray seen it?”

“How could he miss it?  It’s not like she tried to be subtle or anything.”

Thea snorted, “Your mom?  Subtle?”

The screen door opened and banged closed behind them and they both winced.

“Sorry,” Ray shrugged, “Maybe you should mention that door to your mom, see if she can get Oliver to take a look at it.”

Thea nodded, “That’s not a bad idea.  That damn door’s been broken forever.”

Felicity smirked at Thea’s declaration.  The door really had been broken for forever.

“I wanted to ask you, if the Queen family founded this place, then why is the Oliver working at your parents’ inn?”

She knew that Ray’s question wasn’t meant to be a dig at Oliver or his family but Felicity felt herself bristling.

“Oh the Queen family may have once been the crowning jewel – pun intended – of Star Island, but they fell from grace a few decades ago.  There’s still money left,” Thea explained, “But Ollie would never lay claim to it.”

Ray eyed Thea curiously.

“Oh god, I really am terrible at this.  Ray Palmer, this is Thea Harper.  Thea, this is my boyfriend, Ray,” Felicity introduced them and tugged at the hem of her shirt nervously.

They shook hands.

“It’s nice to meet you, Thea.  Felicity has told me a lot about you.”

He wasn’t simply being polite this time.  Her friendship with both Thea and Iris had been the one part of her past she’d been willing to share.  Not that she could’ve hidden either of them from Ray, there were photos of the three of them all over her apartment when they’d met.

“I’ve heard a lot about you, too, Ray.”

“How do you know so much about the Queens?” Ray questioned, following Thea and Felicity into the sitting room.

Thea shrugged, “I used to be one.”

Ray’s expression was comical.  It was evident that he hadn’t been expecting Thea’s response which, Felicity knew, was exactly what Thea had wanted.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t –“

“It’s okay.  It takes a lot to offend me or my family,” Thea assured him, “Trust me.  We’ve been shoved in the mud a million times over.  Our last name doesn’t get us very far anymore.”

Ray clasped his hands where they hung between his knees.  He was leaning forward toward Thea.  He was curious.

“So Oliver is your…?”

“He’s my brother.”

Ray nodded and glanced over at Felicity.  She had been fighting to remain calm but she knew that her fidgeting had given her away.  Ray’s palm was warm against her knee when he gave her a reassuring squeeze.

“Felicity hasn’t really told me much about what it was like to grow up here,” he said to Thea, “And I’m the curious sort.  Think I could pick your brain?”

Thea shrugged, “It isn’t as interesting as you’re imaging it to be, believe me.  Nothing exciting ever happens here.”

Ray wasn’t dissuaded.

“But how does it all work?  There are what, two hundred people who live here year-round?  Where did you go to school?  Is there one here or is it on the mainland?  And what about when the weather is bad and a ferry ride isn’t possible?”

Thea’s raised brow was directed at Felicity.

“He’s… inquisitive, isn’t he?”

Felicity laughed, “One of the things we have in common.”

“And you haven’t told him any of this?”

She and Ray both shook their heads and Thea sighed.  She stood up.

“Where are you going?” Felicity asked.

“Let’s take him down there,” Thea said, “It’ll be just as easy to show him as it will be to tell him.”

Felicity followed suit and got to her feet.  Ray joined them, asking, “Where exactly are we going?”

“To answer your question.”

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Decided to post an early morning chapter. I'm going to try to finish posting by the season premiere it's likely going to be two a day until then. Enjoy!

**Chapter Five**

As the school where she had spent her childhood came into view, Felicity couldn’t fight the wistful smile that found its way to her face.  Ray was holding her hand and he squeezed it tightly at her expression. 

“This is it,” Thea confirmed, “Star Island Day School.  Home of anywhere from one hundred to a hundred and ten kids at a time, ranging in age from five to eighteen, housing grades K thru twelve.”

Ray glanced at her, “All of the kids on the island go to the same school?  At the same time?”

It was Felicity who answered, stepping away from him and heading straight for the familiar playground.

“There aren’t that many kids on the island.  A hundred and ten is pushing it.  And yes, we all went to school together at the same time.  Unless someone moves away, the kids you meet in kindergarten are the same five to ten kids you’ll graduate with.  There were seven in our class.”

He shook his head, befuddled and astonished all at the same time.  Felicity wanted to laugh as she settled herself on one of the swings.  Thea took the one beside her and Ray stepped behind them to give each of them a push.  She stared out at the water across the way.  The school was on the island’s west side with an uninterrupted view of the Pacific Ocean.  The road separated the playground from the rocky beach.

“Must’ve been tempting,” Ray mused, “Being able to see that every day during school.  I would’ve wanted to spend my time on the beach, not in a classroom.”

Thea snickered, “Yeah, well, there were definitely times we did just that.  But it’s a little difficult to skip class when the teachers can see you from their windows.”

“We were here a lot though,” Felicity told him, “Before school and after.  We got a forty-minute lunch / study break every afternoon.  When it was warm, the older kids would come out to the beach for lunch.”

“Oliver and Tommy loved to scare the living daylights out of us.  They’d run out here the minute the bell rang, stripping off their clothes as they went, and dive into the water.  Racing out to the buoys became a thing for them.  At least once a week they were out here trying to prove which of them was faster.”

Thea’s words brought the memory to the forefront of her mind and she felt her heart kick into overdrive.  She dropped her feet into the woodchips beneath the swing and came to an abrupt halt.  It shook her, rattling her bones.  She almost demanded that Thea shut up but she clamped her mouth shut, knowing that shouting at Thea wouldn’t do either of them any good.  Instead, she was distracted by the sight of Ray jogging away from them.  She watched in stunned silence for a few minutes as he yanked his shirt up over his head and kicked off his sneakers.  She was on her feet a moment later.

“No!”

He didn’t seem to hear her – or was choosing to ignore her – and she ran after him.  Thea was right behind her.

“Ray!  No, please, stop!”

He had just reached the water’s edge when she clamped her hand around his wrist and tugged him around to face her.  She was breathing hard, her pulse thrumming in her veins, and he frowned as he looked down into her eyes.

“What’s the big deal?  You said Oliver used to swim out there as a teenager.  I do know how to swim, Felicity, I think I can –“

“No!  I’m telling you no, Ray.  Yes, Oliver and Tommy used to – used to race out there but… but that water is dangerous.  There’s a bad riptide and –“

“I’ll be fine,” he told her, pulling free of her grasp, “It doesn’t look that bad.”

“Ray –“

“No!” Felicity shouted, cutting off whatever Thea had been about to say, “No!  I don’t care how it looks.  I watched Tommy die out there, Ray, it’s too dangerous!”

She stormed away from them, heading back to the playground, while her heart beat out a staccato rhythm in her chest.  Anger and fear made tears well in her eyes but she blinked them away.  She dropped heavily onto the swing she’d vacated earlier and watched Thea and Ray approach silently.  When they were close enough, Thea situated herself on the swing to her right and Ray crouched down in front of her.  He took both of her hands in his but she drew back.

“Don’t.”

The word was a sharp reprimand and she saw the look of hurt that flashed briefly in Ray’s eyes.  She took a few deep breaths, counting backwards from twenty until her heartbeat had returned to normal, and recounted the story without stopping to look at Thea.

“I was sixteen.  Oliver and I… we used to come out here sometimes to talk.  He’d come to my bedroom window.  His home life was – well, it wasn’t good and when things got to be too much, he’d come and find me.”

Thea sat beside her stiffly and she wanted to reach for her hand but she couldn’t find the strength.  She knew if she stopped talking, she wouldn’t be able to finish the story.

“It was later in the year and cold and he showed up at my window in the middle night.  We came out here because it was safe, because we could be alone.  Oliver, he – he didn’t want to talk about what happened at home.  Sometimes he’d tell me but most of the time he just pretended like everything was fine.  That night, he was hurt and trying to act as if nothing was wrong but I – I knew and I kept pushing him to tell me what was going on.  He wouldn’t and when I pushed too hard, he used the water as a way to escape.  He shouldn’t have been out there because it was just too damn cold and the water was too rough but he was mad at me and trying to get away so he swam out to the buoys.”

A knot was forming in her stomach as she spoke and the tears she’d been holding at bay threatened to fall again.  She did everything she could to keep her composure.

“I was standing there watching him, tracking him as he cut through the surf, and I saw him tap the buoy.  But when he turned around, the wind had picked up and it started raining.  The water became choppy and he was struggling.  I couldn’t – I couldn’t do anything to help him.  I’m not a strong swimmer and I knew if I tried to go after him… but Tommy appeared out of nowhere.  I don’t even know how he found us.  I mean, it wasn’t a secret that Oliver came to me when things were bad but – Tommy went in after him.”

It was playing in her head again, that film she couldn’t remember watching.  Every detail of that night was clear in her mind and she shivered, feeling the cold rain seeping through her clothes.

“They both struggled.  The water was bad, worse than I’d ever seen it, and Tommy tried to get to Oliver but he was dragged out by the current.  Oliver turned around and went after him.  He – he dragged Tommy’s body to shore.  He’d hit his head on something.  The bottom here is all rock, no sand, and he was dragged under.  When they made it to shore, Oliver started CPR and I ran for help.  By the time my dad and I made it back here and the police arrived, we were too late.  Tommy was gone and Oliver was… he was devastated.”

Felicity risked a glance at Thea and at the sight of tears streaking her friends face, she stood and pulled her into her arms.

“I’m so sorry, Speedy,” she mumbled, “I’m sorry.  It was my fault.  If I’d just let him be, if I hadn’t tried to push him, he never would’ve –“

Thea shook her head, “No, Felicity.  We’ve been over this.  It wasn’t your fault.  Ollie would’ve died, too, if Tommy hadn’t gone after him.  I would’ve – I would’ve lost one of them, no matter how you look at it.  And Ollie knew better.  He knew he shouldn’t have gone out there.”

Thea wiped at her tears and Felicity struggled to contain her own.  They each sat again and Ray remained crouched at Felicity’s feet.

“Tommy was Oliver’s brother?” he questioned gently.

Felicity nodded, “Half-brother.  But they were close.  They were… they were best friends.  Thea and Tommy and Oliver… they were all really close.”

Thea sighed, shaking her head.

“Maybe coming down here was a bad idea,” she huffed, swiping her fingers under her eyes one last time, “I always forget that this place has some really shitty memories attached to it.”

Felicity laughed in spite of herself.

“It does.  But there are good ones, too.  Like Halloween our freshman year, remember?  When we all snuck out and had that bonfire?  Threw our own costume party?”

Thea snorted, clapping a hand over her mouth to cover the sound.

“Oh god, that was so bad!  I saw way more of my brother that night than I wanted, too.”

They both laughed and, to Felicity, it was cathartic.

“I really should head back,” Thea said eventually, getting to her feet again, “Went out for a morning run and totally got sidetracked.  I’ve got work to do today and my mom is probably wondering where the hell I disappeared to.”

Felicity hugged her again, “We’ll have to do dinner one night this week.  I want to see Roy and, of course, introduce him to Ray.”

Thea grinned.

“Sounds like a plan.  Call me, okay?”

She and Ray watched Thea go, the silence between them heavy.  As soon as she was out of sight, Felicity turned to him.

“I’m sorry,” she said immediately, thrusting her fingers into her windblown hair, “This place – this whole damn island – just keeps dragging up all of this stuff I thought I was over.  I should’ve known that it would be like this.  I did know.  I mean, hello, there’s a reason that I’ve avoided coming home for so long and I –“

“Felicity!” Ray caught her face in his hands and cut off her ramble, “Breathe.  It’s okay.  I get it.  I mean, sort of, but I’m trying to understand.”

She nodded and stepped back, putting distance between them.  She chose to ignore the question in Ray’s eyes as she did so.

“We should get back.  I’m sure my mom’s already started breakfast.  Actually, we’ve probably missed it.”

He held his hand out to her and she took it.  She hoped he didn’t see the way she hesitated.

“Is it okay if I ask another question?”

She swallowed hard but nodded.

“Were you in love with him?”

She shouldn’t have been surprised by it but his question caught her off guard.  She paused mid-step and turned to him.  It was on the tip of her tongue to respond vaguely.  She wasn’t ready to have this conversation with Ray.  She didn’t want to tell him about their past, about the life she’d dreamed of for herself before she’d lost him.  It was too much.  But lying would get her nowhere. 

“Yes.”

“Is Tommy’s death the reason that the two of you aren’t together?”

She shook her head, “No.  We – we were together for a while after.”

Ray said nothing and she was thankful that he was willing to let the conversation go.  She knew it would be brought up again, that they still had more to talk about, but it would have to wait.

They hadn’t made it to the bend in the road that would lead them back to the inn when a voice called out her name, accompanied by a car horn.  She turned, watching a familiar blue pickup roll to a stop a few feet away. 

The man who leaned out the window was grinning widely, his dark hair long enough that it covered his ears and his brown eyes were shining.

“I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me again!” he called, “I thought, no way is that Felicity, she would’ve told her favorite cousin she was coming home!”

Felicity smirked at him, rolling her eyes, and jogged over to the truck.  She hugged Cisco through the window.

“I’m sorry I didn’t call,” she told him, “It was all kind of last minute.”

He eyed her for a moment and chose not to address the fact that it would’ve only taken thirty seconds to send him a text and tell him she was home.

“Well I’m just glad you’re back.”

“Me, too.  Oh, Cisco, this is my boyfriend Ray.  Ray, this is my cousin, Cisco.  Barry’s brother.”

“Hey, man, nice to finally meet you!  When ‘Lis told me she got a job at Palmer Tech, I was a little jealous.  You’ve done amazing things with technology and –“

“Cisco, quit fangirling, please.  It’s kind of embarrassing,” she teased.

He flushed, “Yeah, sorry.  Look, I’m heading out to see Grams.  You want to come with?”

She glanced between Ray and Cisco for a moment and could see the interest in Ray’s eyes.  He seemed to be open to meeting her entire family in one go.

“I guess that would be okay.  But Ray, I – I should warn you.  Remember when I asked you not to bring up Laurel around my parents?”

He nodded and she saw Cisco’s smile falter.

“I’m going to ask you to do the same with my grandmother.  Laurel is… Laurel is Laurel and what I haven’t told you is that, after high school, she sort of just vanished.  She left the island one afternoon and never came back.  At least not until she showed up two years later with her newborn daughter.  She only stayed long enough to leave my niece on my parents’ doorstep before she took off again.”

Her explanation left a shocked expression on his face and she sighed.

“My family is far from perfect, as you can now tell.  And while they haven’t officially disowned Laurel, to my parents, they only have one daughter.  Me.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

They pulled up to the home where her mother had grown up and she saw Ray shift forward to get a better look.  He was staring up at the house in wonder.

“The Smoak family was one of the first – after the Queens, of course – to settle here permanently.  This house has been in our family for generations.”

Cisco parked in the circular drive and when he and Ray climbed from the truck, Felicity followed.

“Your niece lives here with your grandparents?”

She worried her lip for a minute before shaking her head.

“No, with my mom and dad, but when they found out that we were coming… Mom thought it would raise fewer questions if Sara wasn’t at home.”

She allowed him to take her hand and they followed Cisco inside.  She knew that Ray was admiring the home’s interior as she dragged him along behind her but she didn’t give him the opportunity to stop and linger.  She wanted to see Sara.

They stepped through French doors onto a spacious deck but it wasn’t the ocean view that had Felicity’s breath catching in her throat.

The blonde haired little girl lying on the deck coloring looked up at their arrival.  She called out to Cisco, clambering to her feet, and Felicity knew that her niece hadn’t spotted her.  When Cisco sidestepped Sara’s attempted tackle, the girl froze.  She stared at Felicity and smiled widely.

“Aunt Lissy!”

Felicity dropped to her knees and drew Sara into her arms.

“Hey, sweetie.”

Her voice was thick with tears for what felt like the millionth time but she knew that these were happy ones, at least.  A few managed to escape and Felicity didn’t mind.  She held Sara at arms’ length and made a show of examining her.

“Look at how big you are!  You’re a giant!”

She got a tooth grin in return for her observation.

“I’m seven now, Aunt Lissy,” Sara told her, as if that explained everything.

Felicity laughed, “I know you are, baby girl.  I’ve missed you so much.”

“I missed you, too.”

She scooped Sara up into her arms and carried her to where her grandmother sat at the patio table.  Smiling at the older woman, Felicity cuddled her niece in her lap.

“Hello, darling.”

Grandma Smoak had always been a staple in Felicity’s life and she had missed her grandmother much like she missed the rest of her family.  More in some ways.  Her grandmother had always been the first person she would go to with a problem, the first person she would talk to about a fight she’d had with Laurel or a problem she was having with Oliver.  And while she spoke to her grandmother like clockwork every Wednesday evening, being so close to her eased some of Felicity’s heartache.

“Hi, Gran.”

She introduced Ray to her grandmother and when he sat down beside Cisco at the table, she wasn’t surprised at the easy way that he struck up a conversation.  Cisco seemed enthralled at meeting _the_ Ray Palmer and soon they were lost in a topic that Felicity didn’t care to follow.  She chose to focus on Sara instead, squeezing her tightly and setting her chin on the girl’s shoulder.

“Aunt Lissy, do you want to see my garden?”

“Of course, Sara.  Lead the way.”

Sara climbed from her lap and took her by the hand.  Felicity waved briefly at Ray as her niece guided her through the house and out the front door.  At the very edge of the front yard, a small garden had been fenced off.

“See the pumpkins, Aunt Lissy?” she asked excitedly, “”Great-gran let me put those there.  And Oliver put up the fence to keep the bunnies from eating our vegetables.”

Felicity nodded, watching as Sara unlatched the closure and stepped into the garden.  She was examining a tomato plant.

“Sara, do you see Oliver a lot?”

The little girl nodded, “Yep.  He talks to Grammy about you a lot.  When he’s helping Pop fix things at home.”

Felicity swallowed around the lump in her throat and sat down.

“What does – what does he say to Grammy, Sara?”

She shrugged, “I wasn’t supposed to hear.”

“I won’t tell, honey, I just need to know.”

She didn’t really.  She shouldn’t want to know what Sara had heard.  Whatever Oliver chose to discuss with her mother, whether it was about her or not, was private.  Sara shouldn’t have been listening to their conversation and she shouldn’t be asking her to repeat the information she’d over heard.  But her heart ached to know what she had missed.

Sara sighed as if the request was a bother and it made Felicity smile.

“He told Grammy that he missed you,” Sara revealed, “I was getting some water.  Grammy told him that you missed him, too, and then he told Grammy that he loves you.”

Felicity sucked in a sharp breath and closed her eyes to chase away a sudden rush of dizziness.

“When did he say that, honey?”

Sara thought about it for a moment.

“It was Tuesday.  Grammy took me to dance class.”

The ever present tears made another attempt to escape but this time she didn’t let them. 

“What else did Oliver say?”

She watched as Sara struggled to latch the gate behind her and knew that she should go and help but she wasn’t sure that her legs were strong enough to support her.

“He said he thought about you a lot when he was in jail.”

Felicity’s head snapped up at that.

“Jail?  Sara, how do you know Oliver was in jail?”

She shrugged, “He told Grammy he was a pri – a pri- a word that starts with a ‘p’.  I can’t remember.”

Felicity heard herself asking the question even though she hadn’t made the decision to do so.

“Sweetie, did Oliver tell Grammy that he was a prisoner?”

“Uh-huh.”

Felicity put her hand over her mouth to stop the sob that wanted to escape.  She knew that Oliver hadn’t been to prison, not in the way that Sara thought, but that meant that what he had been through was much, much worse.  She thought back to the scars that she had seen all over his body and shuddered.

“Are you okay, Aunt Lissy?”

She nodded and composed herself the best that she could.

“Did Oliver tell Grammy anything else that you can remember?”

“Yeah, he told her that he wished that you’d said yes.”

And with that single revelation from a too-smart-for-her-own-good seven year old, Felicity’s world crumbled.

She fell to her back in the grass and stared up at the cloudless sky.  Sara’s face appeared above her.

“What did you say no to, Aunt Lissy?”

Her heart was drumming against her sternum.  Breathing became difficult and a tornado of emotion was whirling violently around the inside of her skull.  Every bit of sorrow and heartache that she had experienced in the past decade was slamming into her full force and there was nothing she could do to stop it.

“Aunt Lissy?”

“It isn’t important, Sara,” she muttered, pushing her loose hair away from her face, “It was a long time ago.”

“It must be important to Oliver.  He was crying when I went to get my water.  He tried to pretend he wasn’t but I saw him.  Did he used to be your boyfriend?”

She laughed at the question and it turned into a sob.  A few fresh tears slid down her cheeks into her hair.

“Oliver was my friend for a long, long time, honey,” she explained, “But yes, he used to be my boyfriend.”

“Oh.  Well I think he still wants to be your boyfriend.”

Another sob escaped and Felicity squeezed her eyes shut.  Her seven year old niece seemed to know more about Oliver Queen than Felicity did.  So much had changed in her life over the last decade but it seemed that one thing certainly hadn’t.  She was still in love with him.  She knew that she always would be.

“Hey, ‘Lis, you okay?”

She opened her eyes to find Cisco, Ray and Sara all standing over her.  Sighing, she sat up and rubbed at her eyes.

“I’m fine.  Are you heading out?”

Cisco nodded, “I’ve got to get back.  Do you want a ride back to the inn?”

Ray took her hand and helped her to her feet.  If he noticed her bloodshot, tear-filled eyes, he didn’t comment.  He released her hand as soon as she was upright.

“That would be great, thanks.  Let me just take Sara back inside and say goodbye to Gran and then we can go.”

Felicity reached for Sara’s hand.  They crossed the yard with the little girl chattering away and when they were standing in her grandmother’s kitchen, Sara disappeared onto the deck again.  Her grandmother was at the kitchen sink.

“Ray seems like a nice man, sweetheart,” her grandmother said without turning to her, “But he isn’t Oliver.”

Felicity inhaled sharply and stared at Gran with wide eyes.

“Gran, I –“

When she smiled at her over her shoulder, Felicity knew that there was no sense in hiding from her grandmother.

“No, you’re right, he isn’t.  But I didn’t even know Oliver was alive, Gran.  No one told me.  He never – I didn’t know.”

“That seems odd.  I’m sure your mother told me that she gave Oliver your address in Coast City.  She said that he was pretty set on finding you.”

Felicity shook her head, “Well he didn’t.  And no one bothered to tell me that he was here so… so I didn’t know that bringing Ray here would be a terrible idea.”

For a long moment she stared at her grandmother and the matriarch of their family stared right back.  Felicity knew that, to her grandmother, she had always been transparent.  She had never been able to hide anything from her.

“Do you love Ray?”

Felicity hesitated briefly before saying, “I don’t know.”

“If you don’t know, darling, then you have your answer.”

She blinked the sting of tears from her eyes yet again and wondered when she had turned into such an emotional mess.  Apparently Oliver did that to her.

“I have to go.  Cisco and Ray are waiting.  I’ll come back by before I leave, okay?”

She closed the distance between them and hugged her grandmother tightly.

“I love you, Gran.”

“I love you, too, my beautiful girl.  Take care of your heart, will you?  It is such a beautiful part of you and you should be happy.”

A bitter laugh bubbled up inside of her as she stepped away and she shook her head.

“I thought that I was.”

She left her grandmother in the kitchen and found Ray and Cisco already in the truck waiting on her.  She climbed over Ray to sit in the middle of them as Cisco steered them out of the drive and away from the Smoak family home.

“How long are you guys in town for anyway?” Cisco asked when the silence in the cab grew uncomfortable.

Felicity shrugged, “Until the end of the week.”

“Cool.  I think Aunt Donna mentioned having the family over for dinner one night before you go.  Caitlin and Barry will be there.  She’s pregnant, did your mom tell you?”

“Wow, no, no she didn’t mention it.  And I just saw Barry yesterday, he didn’t mention it either.  How far along is she?”

It was Cisco’s turn to shrug.

“Few months, I guess.  She’s due in February.”

Felicity shook her head, unable to shake her surprise.

“You’re going to be an uncle.”

Cisco grinned at her, “I am.  Isn’t it awesome?”

She laughed as Cisco revealed his plan to be crowned the best uncle ever but when she glanced at Ray out of the corner of her eye, she found him staring out the window distractedly.  He wasn’t at all listening to their conversation. 

Felicity sighed.  She kept her attention on Cisco even though her mind was elsewhere.  Ray didn’t deserve this.  He had been so good to her during the course of their relationship and even though her grandmother had been right, she didn’t love him, she had thought that she would eventually grow to love him.  She thought that she could be happy with him.  But a part of her had always known that she would never truly love anyone the way that she loved Oliver.  And now that she knew he was alive, now that he had come back to her, there was no chance she would be able to settle for someone else.  She would have to tell him about Oliver and – she realized – she would have to let him go.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

She knew that the moment they arrived back at Verdant she should’ve told Ray about Oliver.  She should’ve taken him into her room and sat down with him and laid it all out in the open.  But she didn’t know how to tell him.  She wasn’t sure what would be too much.  She wasn’t sure what good it would do for any of them if she asked Ray to go so she could figure things out with Oliver.  There was no guarantee that what Sara had told her was real, that it meant anything.  But Felicity knew that she had to talk to him.  She needed to know how Oliver really felt. 

They were heading for the front door of her parents’ house when Ray turned to her.

“I have a couple of phone calls I need to make,” he told her, “Work never seems to take a vacation when I’m taking one.  I shouldn’t be long.”

He disappeared into the house before she could protest and Felicity felt her resolve crumbling.  If she had been a stronger person, she would’ve stopped him.  Instead, she pivoted around and put the house behind her again. 

Her feet carried her off into the woods that surrounded the inn.  She had walked the path a million times in childhood and even though she hadn’t been home in nearly a decade, her body remembered exactly where she was going.

Dry leaves crunched under her sneakers as she wove her way through the trees.  The clearing would be visible soon.  It had been their place, one of them anyway, and when they didn’t want to be found, this is where they would come.  The beach was nice and, after dark, relatively quiet but the clearing in the woods was forever safe.  No one had ever found them there.  There were never any interruptions.

She kept her head down as she walked, her arms wrapped protectively around her torso.  There were ghosts here, too.  Memories that lingered in every breath she took of earthy air, in the dampness of the autumn that surrounded her.  So many milestones in her life were tied to this island, to the people she had left behind, to this place particularly. 

When she stood in front of the tree, their tree, she ran her fingers over the crude heart that had been carved there. 

Felicity sat on the damp earth, aware of the wet leaves beneath her and the moisture seeping into the thin material of her pants, but she wasn’t bothered by it.  She felt a tightness in her chest, like something wrapping around her heart, and a potent memory from their past assaulted her.

_Oliver’s hands skimmed across the bare skin of her abdomen, pushing her tank top up until it was bunched under her arms and Felicity grinned.  She twisted her fingers in his hair as his lips assaulted the flesh he’d exposed._

_The air around them was cooling quickly as the sun fell behind the trees but the humidity lingered.  Sweat beaded her forehead and when his tongue flicked across the sensitive skin beneath her breast, she squirmed.  She tugged on his hair._

_“You know the rules,” she breathed, “Quit that.”_

_He laughed and she felt it where he was pressed against her.  They were spread out on a blanket under their tree, her on her back and Oliver on his stomach between her legs._

_“Yeah, yeah, I know.  I can’t help it though, your skin just smells so good.”_

_She rolled her eyes but couldn’t wipe the smirk from her face._

_It wasn’t the first time that they’d found themselves in such an intimate position.  His shirt had been discarded, tossed somewhere near their feet, and his wide shoulders kept her hips pinned to the blanket.  But they had rules.  Certain articles of clothing always stayed in place, everything below the waist and her bra.  They hadn’t gone further than making out and a few sessions of heavy petting that had left her breathless.  They hadn’t had sex yet.  And it wasn’t because neither of them wanted to go that far because – as far as Felicity was concerned – it was inevitable.  But she continued to tell herself, and Oliver, that she wasn’t ready._

_The truth was, she was scared.  She was barely sixteen and a virgin and she knew that she wanted Oliver to be her first but she had heard horror stories (from Laurel and Iris) of her friends losing their virginity.  They’d scared her more than they’d intended to._

_She gasped when Oliver suddenly sucked at the skin of her hip just above the waistband of her shorts.  A jolt of electricity raced through her and she pulled hard at his hair._

_“Oliver,” she breathed, “Please.”_

_He lifted his head, his blue eyes soft as he looked up at her, and she wasn’t sure in that moment what exactly she was asking of him.  Her fear was slowly abating as desire inched its way through her._

_Her heart stuttered painfully in her chest._

_“Should I stop?” he asked._

_And she knew that he would.  All it would take was one word from her and Oliver would pull away and give her the space she needed to get herself under control.  But she didn’t want to stop.  Not this time._

_“I don’t – I don’t know.  Is this what you want?”_

_She was thankful for the cover of darkness around them, knowing her face was flaming as she asked the question._

_Oliver’s smile was sweet and he dipped his head, pressing a lingering kiss to her belly._

_“I always want you, Flick,” he murmured, “I’ve wanted you for a long time.  But if you’re not ready then we –“_

_“I’m ready!”_

_She bit her lip to stem her exclamation, her cheeks warming further, but Oliver reached for her hand and squeezed it reassuringly._

_“Are you sure?  Because I’m willing to wait as long as you want.”_

_His blue eyes were bright even in the dark and she didn’t need another second to make up her mind.  The need she felt for him in that moment was overwhelming._

_“I’ve never… I haven’t –“_

_He moved until he was leaning over her, his eyes level with hers, and took her face into his hands.  There was a bit of shyness in his expression that he didn’t show her often._

_“I haven’t either, Flick.”_

_She couldn’t be sure why his confession had surprised her.  They had been friends for as long as she could remember and in all of the time she had known him, he had never been with anyone else.  He’d dated a little, mostly going out with groups of older kids that she wasn’t friends with, but he’d never had a serious girlfriend before her.  But a part of her had assumed, because he was two years older, that he’d had sex before._

_“I’m sure, Oliver.  Please, I want you to be my first.”_

_His face lit up then and Felicity giggled at the excitement she saw there.  He sat up quickly and she lifted herself onto her elbows to watch him.  He toed off his shoes and reached for the button on his jeans.  She had the urge to look away but she fought against it.  If she was giving herself to him then seeing him naked shouldn’t be something she was embarrassed about.  She sat up, too, and tugged her shirt the rest of the way over her head.  She tossed it aside and reached behind her back to unhook her bra._

_Oliver’s breathless gasp startled her and she glanced up to find him staring at her in awe.  A nervous smile found its way to her face and when she reached up to remove her glasses, Oliver’s hands on hers stopped her._

_“You are so beautiful,” he whispered, removing her frames and setting them carefully inside of his shoe._

_She lay back down on the blanket and unbuttoned her shorts, wiggling her hips as Oliver pulled them down her legs.  When she was completely naked, he came down over her again and she shivered._

_“Are you cold?”_

_She shook her head, “Just – just nervous, I guess.”_

_He kissed her cheek, his lips soft and warm as they skimmed over her skin.  He moved to her jaw and then to her ear, down the column of her throat until he was sucking a hickey into her collarbone._

_“I’m kind of nervous, too,” he breathed against her skin, “I want you to be okay, Flick.  I’ll go slow, okay?”_

_“Not too slow.”_

_Oliver chuckled and she relaxed a little beneath him.  One hand settled on her naked hip while the other came up to cradle the weight of her breast.  She gasped when he slid his thumb across her nipple._

_“Oliver, do you have… do you have something?”_

_He nodded against her, nipping her shoulder before lifting his head to find her mouth._

_“I have one.”_

_His lips slanted over hers, hard and sure and she widened her legs a little to make room for him.  He moved then and she kept her eyes closed.  She clutched at his forearm, anchoring herself to him, and tried to steady the rapid thrum of her pulse.  She knew what happened next and even though she’d told herself that she was ready, the slight pressure as he slid inside of her made her cry out.  Oliver stilled above her, his hand on her face._

_“Flick, look at me.  Are you okay?”_

_She nodded, “Don’t stop.”_

_“Love you, Flick.”_

_She nuzzled her face into his palm, “Love you, too, Oliver.”_

There had been many more experiences after that one, some wonderfully sweet and slow, others too quick and not quite satisfying, but she knew how lucky she had been to have someone like Oliver as her first.  She’d gone away to college and heard things from her friends, stories much like she’d gotten from Laurel and Iris, about terrible ‘first-time’ experiences.  And while her first time with Oliver had ended more quickly than she would’ve liked, she had felt safe and loved and cherished in his arms.

Their last time together had been just as precious, just as important, as their first.  It had been the night before he’d left Star Island.  After graduation Oliver had joined the service.  She’d been the first person that he’d told and even though she’d been scared at the prospect of having to say goodbye to him, she knew that it was his only way out.  He had to get away from his parents, from his father.  And, in his mind, college wasn’t the answer.  So he’d enlisted in the Marine Corps and less than six weeks after receiving his diploma, he had snuck into her bedroom at an ungodly hour and dragged her from her bed.  She’d followed him to their spot in the woods where they made love for the last time.  She’d fallen asleep in his arms with tears drying on her face.

Her cell phone chirped suddenly, startling her, and Felicity dug it out of her pocket.  She had a text from Ray asking where she’d run off to.

She sighed and stood, touching her fingers to the tree, tracing over the carving once again.  Inside the heart that he’d drawn, their initials stood out starkly.

_OJQ + FML_

Felicity smiled and felt the tightness in her chest loosen just a little.  She would go back to the inn and explain everything to Ray.  She would explain it to him and tell him that she needed time.  That she needed to get her head around Oliver’s return and what that meant for her, for both of them.  Her grandmother was right, she deserved to be happy and Felicity knew that her happiness would be found with Oliver if he would have her.  Ray deserved to be happy, as well, and she knew that she couldn’t be the one to give that to him. 

It was only her second day on Star Island and already, everything had changed.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all! Sorry for not posting a second chapter yesterday. The day just got away from me... I'm posting two right now and I'll give you a third in a few hours. Thank you again for all your kind words, I'm so glad everyone is loving this fic!

**Chapter Eight**

When Felicity walked through the front door of Verdant to find it mostly empty and eerily quiet, she paused in the entryway.

“Mom?” she called.

No response came from inside the house.  She walked past the staircase and through the kitchen, coming to a stop at the door that led out into the yard.  She watched as Oliver and Ray moved around one another.  Oliver carried pieces of lumber over to the ladder propped against the back porch while Ray cut pieces for him on the table saw.  She vaguely remembered a conversation between Ray and her father from the morning before, something about windows on the second floor needing replaced.  Her father had mentioned that Oliver shouldn’t have to do all of the work by himself but she didn’t remember Ray’s offer to help.

She sighed and moved away.  She wouldn’t pull Ray away from what he was doing.  They could talk after, later, when Oliver wasn’t around and she could keep her traitorous heart under control.

Felicity trudged up the stairs to her bedroom and gathered a change of clothes.  She’d gone running that morning and then to her grandmother’s and then out to the woods.  She needed to get out of her sweaty clothes that were now damp from sitting on a blanket of fallen leaves.  She ducked into the bathroom, adjusting the shower until it was as hot as she could strand, and stripped out of her clothes. 

As the water pounded against her tense shoulders, she sighed and closed her eyes. 

Their night together in the clearing hadn’t been the last time that she had seen Oliver.  The photo her mother had taken, the night of her senior prom, had been the final time she’d been held by him.  He’d shown up unexpectedly, having told no one but her mom and dad that he was coming home, and when she’d stepped outside in her dark green dress to find him waiting for her, she had given a startled cry of surprise before her tears had fallen.  The night had been everything that she had dreamed it could be.  Oliver had been kind and sweet and he hadn’t let go of her hand all night.  The memories she had from that night with him had gotten her through some of the toughest times in her life and she didn’t regret a single moment of the time they’d had together then. 

She washed her hair absently, the motions engrained in her, and drug her fingers through the tangled locks.

It wasn’t true, she realized.  There was one moment from that night that she regretted, one moment she wished with all of her heart that she could change.  But life didn’t work that way.  She couldn’t take back the answer that she had given him.  She couldn’t change the outcome. 

He’d walked her to her front door after the dance.  They had said goodbye to all of their friends at the school, making their way back to Verdant in silence.  She’d been holding back tears on the walk home, knowing that it was only a matter of time before she would have to say goodbye, so when they’d stood in front of the inn and he’d cradled her face carefully in his hands, her walls had crumbled.

Felicity shook her head and rinsed the soap from her body.  She stepped out of the shower and twisted her hair up in a towel.  Wrapping her robe around herself, she padded back across her room and pulled open the closet door.  Tucked in the back corner, hidden behind the clothes still hanging there, was a box she hadn’t touched in years.  She slid it from its spot on the floor and carried it over to the bed.  She sat on her bed with the box beside her.

More memories, more ghosts, awaited her beneath a layer of tape and cardboard but it was time to face those ghosts. 

The moment the box was open, she felt a lump form in her throat.  Lying on top of the pile was a small, homemade Valentine’s card.  It had been the last thing she’d received from Oliver before his disappearance.  She traced the sweet words he’d written inside before setting it aside.  When she lifted the framed photo from the box next, a wide smile broke out on her face.  It had been his gift to her on her sixteenth birthday.  It was a picture of the two of them together, one she was sure Thea had taken, covered head to toe in mud.  They had gone out as a group, Roy and Thea, Tommy and Oliver and Felicity.  The five of them together had gone exploring, as they often did in the summer when things were slow and they were bored, and at some point in the afternoon, when rain had begun pouring down on them, they’d turned a muddy hill into a slip ‘n slide.  The memory made her laugh and she shook her head, setting the photo aside as well.

As she dug through the box, pieces of their life together came flooding back.  She had kept everything, every gift, every note, every trinket that was tied to their relationship.  And it all remained intact in that one box.

The small leather bound book was cool to the touch and the moment her fingers came in contact with it, a shock raced up the length of her arm.  It was like static, waking up her nerve endings and jumpstarting her heart yet again.  She almost left it there, almost abandoned her walk down memory lane and shoved everything back inside the time capsule, but at the last minute, she lifted the book from the box and held it carefully in her lap.  She didn’t open the cover for a long time, choosing instead to stare at it blindly as yet another memory took over.  Eventually, she slid a shaking finger beneath its cover and flipped it back.

His handwriting was distinctive.  Neat, tight letters that she had spent hours upon hours tracing as she memorized the words he’d written to her.  They were expressions of his love for her, honest and heartfelt and the most beautiful words that she had ever read.  It would’ve surprised people to know that Oliver Queen was capable of such depth, such intensity, and that he was actually able to put those feelings into words.  Words that had struck her so deeply that they’d frightened her.  She had known for a long time before he had given her the small notebook that he loved her, he had told her more than once, but the way in which he loved her had surprised even her.

Her fingers trembled as she leafed through the pages.  When she came to the final page, she bit her lip to smother the sound that wanted to escape.  It would’ve been somewhere between a heartbroken sob and a painful groan, she was sure, but she managed to contain it.

“Sweetheart, are you –“

She glanced over her shoulder to find her mother standing in the door to her bedroom.  Donna Lance took one look at her daughter’s face and closed the door behind her.  She crossed to Felicity’s bed in three long strides and sat beside her, pulling her into her arms.

“Oh, baby girl, I’m sorry,” she whispered, “I can’t imagine how badly you must be hurting.”

Tears fell then, staining Felicity’s cheeks, and her body trembled as a sob shook her body.  She clutched her mother desperately.

“I don’t know what to do, Mom.  I – I thought he was gone.  I thought I’d lost him.”

Her mother rocked her, “I know, ‘Lis, I know.  We all thought… but Oliver is here and you have a second chance, sweetie.  He’s alive and he’s safe.”

“I thought – I thought that I was okay, Mom.  I thought that I’d moved on, that my life was moving forward in the right direction but when I came home and he was here, I…”

Donna pulled the towel from Felicity’s head and ran her fingers through her wet hair.

“Felicity, honey, listen to me.  Oliver will always be a part of your life.  He was your first love, the first boy you ever gave your heart to, and no matter how hard you’ve tried over the years to move past losing him, you never really would’ve been able to give him up.  Sure you would’ve moved on with your life and you would’ve found another man to love, but it would never be the same as what you had with Oliver.  I’m sure the pain of losing him would’ve become bearable and that, someday, it would only be a memory, but I don’t think you ever would’ve truly gotten over that loss.”

Untangling herself from her mother’s arms, Felicity stood and retrieved a box of tissues from her old desk.

“But I didn’t really lose him, did I?  We all thought that he had died but we were wrong.  Oliver’s here.”

Her mom shook her head, “Honey, you mourned for him.  We all did.  You suffered the loss of him as if it were real.  Because - as far as we knew - it was.  It’s okay to be confused, to be overwhelmed at finding out that all of that was just a nightmare.”

Felicity blew her nose as she sat back down beside her mother.

“Ray and I went to Gran’s this morning, did he tell you?  I introduced him to Sara.  And she – she told me something, Mom.”

Donna waited for her to continue and Felicity sighed.

“Sara said that she heard you and Oliver talking,” Felicity confessed, “That he talks to you about me.”

Her mom nodded, “Oliver and I talk quite a bit about you, honey.  We talk about a lot of things, really, but it’s mostly because he doesn’t feel like he can talk to Moira.  She’s been rather calm about all of this, about him coming home after so long, but she acts as if it never happened.  From what he’s said, every time he tries to talk to Moira about anything, she shuts down.  So he came to me and he started asking about you.”

“Sara said that – that he still loves me, that he told you that.”

“He’s said that, honey, but I didn’t need him to tell me.  Just like I don’t need you to tell me that you still love him, ‘Lis.  There’s no question.  I can see it in your eyes, hear it in your voice.”

Felicity stood again and paced away from her mother.  She hugged her robe tighter around her.

“What did you tell him?  When he asked about me, what did you tell him?”

Her mom sighed, “I didn’t tell him much.  Just that you’d graduated from MIT and that you were working in Coast City.  I told him a little about your job, your life.”

“Ray?”

“No, honey, I didn’t tell him about Ray.”

Felicity nodded and worried her thumbnail with her teeth.

“But you gave him our address.  Gran told me.  Mom, he – he never came to see me.  He didn’t write, didn’t call.  I don’t understand why he didn’t want me to know that he was back, that he was alive.”

She dashed her tears away.

“I thought that he wanted to see you, I thought that that was the reason he asked all of us not to tell you that he’d come home.  We just assumed he wanted to tell you himself.  And I know that I probably shouldn’t have been so forth coming with your address, but he seemed so intent on finding you and I knew you’d want to see him.”

Felicity sank back down onto the bed and put her head in her hands.

“Sara said that he was a prisoner, Mom.  I – what happened to him?”

Her mother shook her head, “I really don’t know, ‘Lis.  Your dad and I have tried to talk to him about it but he won’t say much.  I think he doesn’t want to burden anyone else with what he went through.  I think that Oliver believes he has to carry all of his pain alone, that he can’t let anyone in.  But I think that you need to talk to him, sweetheart, because if I know Oliver, you’re the only one who’ll be able to get through to him.”

Felicity picked up the notebook from where it had slid to the floor.  She cradled it in her lap, her fingers skimming across the cover again.

“I remember that night very well,” her mother said softly.

“Me, too.  Mom, I don’t think Oliver wants to talk to me.  He was so… cold.”

Her mother caught her hand, squeezing tightly.

“He was just surprised, ‘Lis.  I don’t think he expected to see you anymore than you expected to see him.”

“You didn’t tell him that we were coming?  Mom!  You should’ve warned him, or me, or maybe both of us!  I wouldn’t have –“            

She shook her head.

“You wouldn’t have, what?  Brought Ray here with you?  I swore to Oliver that I wouldn’t tell you he’d come home.  He begged me not to tell you.  And maybe you’re right, maybe I should’ve told him you’d be here but I thought – I thought he’d find a way to avoid seeing you and I knew that that wouldn’t do either of you any good.”

Felicity sighed, “This isn’t fair.  It isn’t fair to either of them.  I owe Ray an explanation and Oliver… Oliver and I have so much to talk about.”

“What are you going to do?”

“Talk to him.”

Her mother squeezed her hand again, “Which one, honey?”

“Ray.  I have to tell him the truth.  And I have to ask him to leave Star Island without me.”    


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised... Don't forget to check back later today for the next chapter!

**Chapter Nine**

She found Ray and Oliver in the dining room with the few guests that her parents had at the inn.  The table had been set for lunch and as Felicity stepped into the room, she was met with the quiet chatter of polite conversation.  Even Ray and Oliver were speaking quietly where they sat opposite one another.  She took the seat at the head of the table, situating herself between them.  Ray was relaxed, leaning back causally in his chair, his easy smile lighting up his face.  Oliver, on the other hand, looked as if he was struggling to keep his composure.  A hard mask shielded his face and his shoulders were rigid.

“You two were close growing up, right?” Ray was asking, “Felicity has never really talked much about Star Island but I’m learning.”

Oliver shrugged, avoiding her eye, and said, “You could say that.”

“Seems logical given how few kids there are here permanently, right?  All of the full-time residents probably stick pretty close together.”

“It helped that Thea and I met in kindergarten,” Felicity interjected, “She’s been my best friend for most of my life so meeting Oliver and becoming friends was sort of inevitable.”

She was trying to keep it safe, to not let Ray prod too hard before she really had the chance to talk to him.  Whatever was going on between her and Oliver, they needed to figure that out together without anyone around to create an obstacle.

“But it was more than that, right?  I mean, you told me yourself that you were in love with him and I’ve seen the picture.  It’s hard to miss.”

Oliver’s expression – if it was even possible – hardened.  Ray continued to watch him, his gaze flickering between Oliver and her, and she glared at him, her emotions a mix of anger and incredulity.  She didn’t understand what Ray was doing.  He’d never been unkind that she could recall.  A little too honest at times and sure, he could be ruthless in a boardroom, but it was as if he was trying to provoke Oliver.  Or maybe it was her.

“What photo?”

Oliver’s quiet question was directed at her and it surprised her.

“You really haven’t seen it?  It’s hanging in the entry, in the gallery that Mrs. Lance put together.  Not sure how anyone could miss it,” Ray answered for her.

She met Oliver’s emotionless blue eyes.  She wished that he’d show her something, anything, but he simply shoved back his chair and left the dining room.

Felicity turned to Ray.

“What the hell was that?” she snapped.

“What?”

“Seriously?  Why would you do that?  You were purposely trying to rile him.”

Ray crossed his arms over his chest defensively.

“I was making conversation, Felicity.”

“You were making him uncomfortable!”

She was probably overreacting.  Her temper flared and, with her already frayed emotions, she was having difficulty reining it in.

“We need to talk, Ray.”

He sighed, “I agree.”

The ringing of his cell phone cut through their conversation.  He glanced at the screen.

“I have to take this.”

She nodded and stood.

“Come find me when you’re done.”

She wasn’t surprised when she discovered Oliver a few moments later, standing in front of their prom photo.  She approached him slowly, coming to a stop at his side.

“You didn’t know it was here?”

He shook his head, “Why would she…”

“Oliver, I-“

“Please Felicity, ask her to take it down.  I don’t want – I can’t look at this.  Ask her to take it down.

She wanted to protest, to ask him why it bothered him so much, but the anguish in his voice stopped her.  It was like the memory the photo evoked pained him and she understood.  It was painful for her, too.

“Why do you keep calling me that?” she asked after the silence had stretched too long, “You keep calling me Felicity.”

He didn’t look at her.

“It’s your name.”

She shook her head, “You’ve never used it, Oliver.  You’ve called me Flick pretty much from the moment we met.”

He didn’t respond and he refused to meet her eyes.  She reached for him, setting her hand on his forearm, and he jerked away from her as if he’d been burned.

“Oliver.”

He shook his head again and stepped away.

“Please, Felicity, don’t.”

She worried her lip between her teeth as she stared at him.  She didn’t know if she wanted to cry or yell.

“Ask Donna to take the picture down.  Please.”

And then he was gone, stepping through the front door and disappearing outside.

She didn’t linger long, climbing the stairs and heading to her room.  She ran into her mother in the hall.

“Honey?”

Felicity ran her fingers through her hair and stared at the wall over her mom’s shoulder.  She couldn’t afford to cry again.

“Will you take it down, Mom?  The prom photo.  I need you to take it down.”

Her mom frowned, “Oh, ‘Lis, why?  It’s so beautiful.”

“He – he doesn’t want to look at it.  He asked me to – to take it down.  Move it or something, Mom, please.  Oliver doesn’t want it there.”

Her mother reached for her and Felicity went into her arms willingly.

“It’s going to be alright, honey.”

She didn’t reply.  Whatever small amount of hope she had allowed herself to have, it was dwindling.

“Felicity?”

She moved away from her mother to find Ray behind her.

“I’ll leave you two alone,” her mom said, pressing a brief kiss to Felicity’s temple and whispering, “Be strong, baby girl.”

Felicity walked into her room and Ray followed.  He shut the door behind him, cutting them off from the rest of the house.  She went to her desk and sat in the chair there.  Ray sat on the edge of her bed.

“I have to leave tomorrow.  Go back to Coast City.  Something’s come up at work.”

It was not at all what she’d expected him to say.  She blinked in surprise.

“Oh.”

“You should stay.  Obviously.  You need to be with your family and friends.”

She nodded, “Okay.”

“And we should talk about what’s going to happen when you come back.”

“What do you mean?”

She was so confused.  This wasn’t how she had wanted it to go, how she wanted to have this conversation.  She had expected it to go badly, she’d expected Ray to fight her on leaving the island without her, but it seemed he’d already decided to do so.

“What happened between you and Oliver, Felicity?  You obviously still have feelings for him.  I’d be blind not to see it, so why did you bring me here if you and I never had a chance?”

His question was asked without malice but there was a trace of sadness there that she couldn’t ignore.  She’d had no intention of hurting Ray.

Felicity sighed and tried to find the right words.

“I didn’t know he’d be here.  Oliver… after high school, he enlisted in the service.  The Marine Corps.  My junior year at MIT, I – I got a call from Thea.  Oliver was declared Missing in Action seven years ago.  Everyone assumed the worst and after I don’t know how long, he was declared legally dead.  I never thought I’d see him again.  I had no idea that he’d come home, Ray.  No one told me.”

Her confession was met with silence.  She wrung her hands together in her lap and waited.

“You were still together when he went missing?”

She nodded, “We were.”

“And you still love him?”

She sighed, “I do.  Ray, I – I’m sorry.  I didn’t know.  I never would’ve –“

“Did you ever love me?  You never said it, you know.  I just assumed that you had a rocky past, something that made you keep your emotions and affection bottled up.  I didn’t realize that you were hanging onto the memory of someone else.”

She felt his words hit her deep in her gut but she couldn’t deny his accusation.

“I thought that I was ready to move on.  I was wrong, Ray, and I’m sorry.  I had no intention of hurting you.  You were the first person that I met after Oliver that I – that I thought I could be happy with.  If I had known that there was even a chance that I would see him again, I would’ve done things differently.”

It wasn’t exactly the best apology but it was all she could give him.  They had all believed for seven years that Oliver was dead, no one expected him to return.

Ray looked away from her, his gaze going to the window behind her.

“I’m sorry that I have to let you go but… but I think that if our roles were reversed, I’d want you to do the same for me.”

She wondered if her surprise was evident on her face.  She had expected a completely different reaction from him.

“I’m not heartless, Felicity.  If Oliver makes you happy, then you deserve to be with him.”

She flushed, realizing belatedly that she’d said that last part out loud.

“Thank you for being so understanding.”

Ray laughed, “This is not how I thought this week would go.”

She smiled sadly, thankful that he was being so easy-going about the whole thing but sad that their relationship was coming to an end.

“I’ll be out of the apartment by the time you come back,” he told her.

“Oh.  I – I hadn’t really thought about that, to be honest,” she muttered, “I don’t even know when that will be.”

It was Ray’s turn to look surprised.

“What about work?  You’re not quitting on me, are you?”

She shrugged, “I don’t know.  I’m going to… to call HR tomorrow and see if I can take a leave of absence.  I think I need to stay here for a while.”

Ray stood and she did, too.  He pulled her into a hug and she let him.  A small part of her heart broke for ending things the way that she was but she knew that this was the only way.  She had to take the chance on Oliver.

“I’ll make myself scarce until tomorrow morning,” Ray told her, “You don’t mind if I stay here, do you?  At Verdant, I mean.  I’ll ask you mom to put me in another room.”

“Of course, Ray, that’s fine.”

“Are you okay?”

She shrugged, “I think I will be.”

He headed for the door but stopped before he opened it.

“Can I ask you one last question?”

“Sure.”

“What about Laurel?  Why don’t your parents talk about her?  Where is she?”

Felicity sighed and fiddled with the ends of her hair anxiously.

“Laurel and Tommy were high school sweethearts, kind of like Oliver and I.  Only… only I don’t think they would’ve lasted after high school.  Anyway, when he died, Laurel lost it.  She blamed Oliver and I for what happened to him,” she explained, “And when I say she lost it, I mean she really lost it.  She started skipping school and sneaking off the island.  She fell in with a bad crowd.  You know how it goes.  She soothed her grief with drugs and alcohol.  We have no idea where she is because she only contacts my parents when she wants money.  She hasn’t seen Sara in a couple of years and no one knows who Sara’s father is.  I don’t think Laurel knows, honestly.”

Ray shook his head, hands tucked into the pockets of his jeans.

“Felicity, I…”

She laughed, “Trust me.  I know.  There are no words to describe how messed up all of it is.”

Ray nodded, lingering a little bit longer, and she waited for him to say more.

“I’m going to miss you, Felicity.  I’d say we could still be friends but I think that’s a little clichéd, don’t you?”

“But we could be.  And you’ll find someone, Ray.  Someone better than me.  Someone who will love you the way you deserved to be loved.”

He nodded again before leaving her alone in her room.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last post for today. I promise there will be another chapter tomorrow morning!

**Chapter Ten**

On the morning of her third day on the island, Felicity found herself sliding into a booth at Perk Up with Iris and Thea sitting across from her.  Her friends stared at her expectantly.

“Good grief.  Let me take a drink of my latte before you start grilling me,” she muttered, doing just that and then setting the cup aside. 

“You were down on the docks this morning,” Iris pointed out, “I saw you.  What happened?  Where’s the boyfriend?”

Felicity shrugged, “Well, Ray is on his way back to the mainland.  And he is no longer my boyfriend.  We broke up.”

Thea grinned and Iris let out an excited squeal.  Felicity glared at her.

“Okay, I’m sorry.  Breaking up with your boyfriend is never good but, I mean, come on!  If you’re single that means that you and Oliver can –“

“It doesn’t mean anything, Iris.  Oliver can barely talk to me.  I don’t know what happened to him and I don’t know what him being home means for us.  One step at a time, okay?  Yes, I’m single and Ray’s on the ferry headed home but I don’t… I don’t know where to begin with Oliver.”

Iris and Thea exchanged a glance and Felicity worried about what came next.  The three of them had been attached at the hip from the time they met at age five.  Of the group, Iris was the only one to have never left home.  But after her mom died, she’d decided to stay close to her dad.

“How’s your dad doing?” Felicity asked her as an attempt at distracting her.

Iris shrugged, “He’s good.  The cancer is in remission and he’s ready to go back to work.  He’s getting cabin fever.”

“And how’s the guy?  What’s his name again?  Eddie, right?” she asked teasingly.

Iris and Eddie had only been dating for a few months but Felicity knew that her friend was falling for her new man rather quickly.  Thea shot her a playful grin.

“You still hearing wedding bells?” Thea prodded.

Iris rolled her eyes, “Shut up.  He’s really sweet and we’re… we’re having fun.  But I can’t leave the island.  I won’t.  So unless he agrees to move here then…”

“Well I’m just glad you’re happy, Iris.  With everything you do for everyone else, you deserve to find someone who really cares about you.  You deserve to be taken care of.”

Iris blushed and her eyes fell to her coffee.

“And what about you, Miss Lance?” Thea asked, “Are you happy?  Because I’ve seen you twice in the last two days and neither time have you seemed like the girl I used to know.  What happened to my happy, bubbly best friend?”

Felicity scoffed, “She grew up, Speedy.  She grew up and had her heart broken.  And, for your information, I am relatively happy.”

It was Thea’s turn to scoff.

“Hey, I am!  I have a great job, one that I happen to love, thank you very much.  I have some great friends, and yes you two are included in that group, and my life is pretty calm and normal.  It’s nice.”

That look passed between Thea and Iris again and Felicity rolled her eyes.

“I’ve seen you happy, ‘Lis.  I’ve seen you happy and in love and ready to take on the world and that girl is the girl I envied growing up,” Thea told her.

She reached for Felicity’s hand across the table.

“My brother made you happy, right?”

Felicity nodded, “Of course he did.  I loved him, Thea.”

“Do you still?” Iris asked, “Because Oliver… Oh Felicity, he loves you so much.  And I know he doesn’t talk to anyone really, not even Thea and Roy, but all you have to do is look at the man.  And I haven’t even seen the two of you together.  I mean, I’m sure sparks will be flying when you two finally figure this all out.”

Taking a long sip of her latte, Felicity let her head fall against the back of the booth.  She sighed.

“It isn’t like I got the closure I needed to let Oliver go, guys.  I mean, when he – when he disappeared I was devastated.  I was so… broken and I didn’t know how to put myself back together.  I don’t think I ever really did.  I was in a good place in Coast City.  There was nothing there to remind me of him.  I thought that I could move on and live my life and be happy with Ray.”

“But you wouldn’t have ever really loved him, Felicity,” Thea said gently, “Because you still love Oliver.”

Felicity nodded, “I won’t ever stop loving him.  Despite everything that happened between us, despite the fact that I’d thought I’d lost him for good, I’ve never stopped.  But what do I do now?  It isn’t like we can pick up where we left off.”

“And why the hell can’t you?” Iris asked.

“Iris!  The last time Oliver and I actually saw each other before he left, he…”

“Trust me, ‘Lis, we know.  He proposed to you.”

Thea snorted, “And you said no for some absurd reason.”

Felicity propped her elbows on the table in front of her and rested her head in her hands.

“I was seventeen!” she squeaked, “And he was getting ready to go off to God only knows where.  What was I supposed to say?”

“Yes!”

She glared at Iris and Thea.  Her friends both grinned back.

Felicity shook her head and drug her fingers through her hair.  The notebook Oliver had given her the night of the prom had contained a million confessions of love and a single question that had torn her heart in two.  She had wanted to say yes to him, had wanted desperately to spend the rest of her life with him, but she’d been too scared to voice the word.  The response she gave him had come with a flood of tears.

“I was terrified of what it meant,” she murmured, “Of how much my life would change if I agreed to marry him.  I had plans.  I had MIT.  I wanted to live as Felicity Lance before I became Felicity Queen.  And you both know that I would’ve married him.  If he’d just waited.  If I’d been older…”

She had so many regrets.  So many ‘what ifs’ that she had spent years asking herself.  What if she’d said yes?  What if she had convinced him to go away with her to Boston instead of enlisting?  What if his father hadn’t been so much of a monster?  Would her life have turned out the way that she had always dreamed?  Would she be Mrs. Felicity Queen now?

“Hey, ‘Lis, it’s okay,” Iris assured her, her warm fingers pulling Felicity’s hand from her face, “I’m sorry.  I shouldn’t have brought it up.”

Felicity sighed, “It’s okay.  I just… can you imagine how much harder it would’ve been?  When he went missing, when he was declared dead?  I thought I’d lost a piece of my soul.  It felt like I was dying, too.  But how much more pain would I have been in if I’d accepted Oliver’s proposal then?  If we’d been married when it all happened?  I would’ve been a window at twenty-one.”

Neither Thea nor Iris had a response for her inquiry.  Instead, they each took one of her hands and squeezed.  Felicity smiled sadly.

“Okay, please, I need a change of subject.  Something that isn’t going to make me cry.”

They both started talking at once and Felicity laughed. 

Thea whipped out her cell phone and began showing them pictures of some of her more recent designs.  Iris called dibs on a structured leather shoulder bag and Felicity saw a sweet lace jacket that she had to have.  They went back and forth sharing pieces of their lives, Thea telling them about her and Roy’s adventurous attempts to get pregnant (which had her blushing like a love-sick fool) and Iris wistfully recalling the romantic weekend she and Eddie had spent in Central City.  Felicity was happy for her friends, happy that they were both happy, but a pang of longing lanced through her.

“How’s work, ‘Lis?”

She shrugged, “Work is good.  I got a promotion about three months ago to the head of the department.  I get to work on some pretty amazing projects.  The company just created this cell phone app that –“

Thea and Iris both looked at her with fake interest and Felicity laughed.

“I won’t bore you with the details,” she told them, “But work is good.”

“Are you… Do you still plan on going back there, with Ray and everything I mean?” Thea asked.

She shrugged, “Honestly, I don’t know.  I told Ray that I was going to take a leave of absence for a while.  I need to be here.  I have to – I have to figure things out with Oliver.”

Her friends shared another look and Felicity groaned, “Please stop doing that!  It’s like you’re talking about me behind my back only I’m sitting right here!”

Thea grinned, “I’m just glad you’re here, ‘Lis.  He needs you, you know?  He won’t talk to any of us.  He won’t let anyone in and he really needs to let someone in.”

“He’s talked to my mom,” Felicity told them, “About me, at least.  Sara told me she overheard a conversation between them.  She said… she said Oliver told my mom that he loves me.”

Iris let out another excited squeal and Thea and Felicity both glanced at her in amusement.

“Sorry, I’m just – We’ve waited a long time for this!  For the two of you to be together and no one thought it would happen.  Not after… not after everything!”

Felicity shook her head, “You are seriously a hopeless romantic.  I’m going to need you to stop reading so many romance novels, okay?”

Iris just shrugged.

“No one knows what happened to him, ‘Lis, and I need to know my brother’s okay.  Even if he won’t tell me, he has to tell someone and I know that you’re the only one who’ll be able to get through to him,” Thea said, a pleading tone to her voice, “I need him to be okay.”

It was Felicity’s turn to reach for Thea’s hand.

“I’ll try, okay?  I’ll try to talk to him.  He hasn’t exactly been welcoming though so I can’t promise anything.”

They finished their coffees and said goodbye before Iris went back to work.  Thea and Felicity stepped out onto the sidewalk and Oliver’s little sister linked her arm with Felicity’s.

“What are you going to do now?  I mean, now that you’re here?”

Felicity shrugged, “I don’t know.  I guess help my mom around the inn, work on a couple of consultation projects that I’ve gotten from colleagues, stuff I can do from home.”      

When they reached the split where Maple Ridge and Sea Drive divided, Thea hugged her.

“I’m really glad you’re home, ‘Lis.”

Felicity grinned, “Me, too, Speedy.  I’ll call you later, okay?”

They said goodbye and Felicity stood on the sidewalk for a long moment.  When she was sure Thea wasn’t going to turn around, Felicity headed for outer edge of the island.  She moved past the school until the beach came into view and she was glad that it was deserted.  Except, she realized as she drew closer, it wasn’t.

His sweatshirt was folded up on top of his shoes and a towel lay nearby.  She didn’t have to see him to know who was out in the water.  He was the only one she knew who would brave the frigid temperatures.

Felicity sat beside Oliver’s discarded belongings and drew her knees to her chest.  She could see him out there, glimpses of his strong arms cutting through the water, the dark hair on his head.  He swam with grace and power, the surface barely rippling around him as he moved.  She had once known his body as well as she knew her own.  She had spent hours lying with him, mapping out the small marks and scars on his chest and back.  She had felt the coarse hair that dusted his legs abrading the smooth skin of her own as they’d made love.  She knew the way his lips softened when he kissed her, knew the way his tongue tasted and the pleased sounds he made as he moved inside of her.  She had known him intimately and she couldn’t help but wonder if she would still know him if he made love to her now.  Time had passed, she had grown and so had he.  They weren’t the kids that they’d been all those years ago and she wonder if they had changed so much that being together wasn’t possible anymore.  He’d told her mother that he still loved her but, Felicity wonder, how could he know? 

She sat for longer than she should’ve, her eyes locked on Oliver’s form as he reached the buoy and held onto it, catching his breath, before heading back for shore.  She watched as he walked out of the water a few minutes later, scrubbing his hands through his too-long hair, and came towards her.  He paused mid-step when he saw her.

“Felicity.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to say again, thank you all so much for your comments!

**Chapter Eleven**

“Hi.”

“Hey.”

“What are you doing out here?”  Oliver asked.

Felicity tried not to watch the way the water beaded on his chest and rolled down his abdomen before being absorbed by the fabric of his low-slung swim trunks.  She really did try but she was sitting and he was standing right there and her eyes didn’t want to go any higher for some reason.

“Felicity?  Are you alright?”

She nodded, swallowing hard and meeting his eyes as he bent to retrieve his towel.  He scrubbed it over his hair before drying his chest and arms.  There was a tattoo on his left pectoral, just over his heart, and she recognized it as the Marine Corps emblem.  But it wasn’t the tattoo that held her attention.  It was the myriad scars that marred his skin.  There would be a story behind each of them, she thought, and she desperately wanted to hear those stories.  At the same time, the thought made her stomach roil.

“You sure you’re okay?” he asked again, sitting beside her.

Oliver moved to pull his sweatshirt over his head but her hand found its way to the tattoo under his arm, her fingers tracing the letters slowly.  He froze.

“Felicity…”

His voice was strained as she withdrew her hand and he yanked the material down quickly, covering his torso.

“How long have you had that?” she asked.

He lifted his shoulder in a half shrug, “Long enough.”

Felicity stared at him, waiting for a real answer to her question, but he didn’t grace her with one.  He drew his knees up, resting his arms there as his gaze lingered on the water in front of them.  He was older, she realized, and not just in years.  He had aged physically, sure, but she knew that the man beside her had had years added to his soul.  Whatever he had lived through, it had changed him. 

She shook her head, scoffing at herself, and mirrored his position.

“What?”

“Oliver, where have you been?  What – what happened to you?” she asked.

He tensed beside her.

“You wouldn’t understand.”

She sighed, “Then explain it to me, Oliver.  I’m here now, whether you want me to be or not, so why can’t you talk to me?”

When he turned to her with a scowl on his face, she drew back, putting as much distance between them as she could without standing.

“You honestly think I don’t want you here?  That I didn’t want to see you?”

“What am I supposed to think?  You asked everyone - our friends, my parents, everyone - _not_ to tell me you were home!  How was I supposed to take that?”

“I wanted to tell you myself!” he snapped at her, “I needed to see you, Felicity.  A phone call wasn’t enough.  I – I thought you deserved more than that.”

She took a staggering breath and felt some of the ache around her heart abate.  She softened her tone, drawing in her loud voice and lowering her defenses.

“Then why didn’t you, Oliver?  I know that my mom gave you my address so why didn’t you… why didn’t you come?”

The mask he’d shone her since she’d arrived home slipped back into place and she watched his fists clench, his knuckles white.  When he didn’t acknowledge that he’d heard her, her temper flared.

“Damn you, Oliver, why won’t you –“

“I was going to come, Felicity!  I was on the fucking ferry, okay?  I was ready to come to Coast City to see you but your dad talked me out of it!”

Her heart was suddenly in her throat, making it difficult to breathe.

“Why would he do that?”

Oliver sighed, scrubbing a hand over his face in a gesture that spoke of fatigue.

“He told me about Ray.  He told me that you were living together and that you seemed pretty happy.  He didn’t want me to go to Coast City thinking that you’d been waiting for me.  He didn’t want me to be surprised by what I would’ve found if I’d come looking.”

Her voice shook as she asked, “He told you not to come?”

“No.  The opposite.  He urged me to go.  He wanted me to find you, thought you deserved to know that I was … but I couldn’t do it.  I couldn’t see you with someone else.”

Tears burned her cheeks as they fell and Oliver’s hand was suddenly there, wiping them away.

“I’m a coward when it comes to you, Flick, how can you not see that?”

A sob escaped her and she curled into herself, drawing her knees tighter to her chest and wrapping her arms around them.  If she wasn’t careful, she would throw herself into his arms.  There was too much that still needed to be fixed.  They hadn’t even cracked the surface of the issues that kept them apart.

“I need to know, Oliver.  As much or as little as you’re willing to tell me, I need to know.  Where have you been?  What happened to you?”

His hand fell away from her face.

“I can’t talk about it.  Not to you.  I – I just can’t.”

She bit her lip.

“Sara thinks that you were in jail.  That conversation with my mom, you told her you were a prisoner.  It was worse than jail, wasn’t it?”

He nodded, his eyes shifting back to the restless ocean.  His chest rose and fell rapidly, a sign of the anxiety that he felt as she dug her heels in. 

“You were a POW?  You were… you were held captive?  A prisoner of war?”

His response was a single nod but it drew another sob from her.  Her voice was strained as she continued.

“How long, Oliver?”

He shrugged, “From what I’ve been told, roughly five years.”

Her stomach churned, bile burning her throat, and she bit back the urge to lose her breakfast.  The scars on his body told a story of the torture he had endured.  For five years, he had been in hell and they hadn’t known.  They had assumed that he was dead.  She was certain that what he had survived was far worse than death.

She reached for his hand, lacing her fingers with his, and squeezed.

“What else did Sara hear?”

She laughed humorlessly, “More than you think.  She’s better than a tape record.  She told me that you talk to my mom a lot.  That you talk to her about me.”

“I do.”

“Do you talk to anyone else?  What about Thea and Roy?  She’s worried about you.”

Oliver shook his head, “I’m fine.”

“I want to believe you, Oliver, but being alive and being fine aren’t the same thing,” she said quietly, “And I know that you’re here but – but you won’t talk to me and I don’t know what to do.  You told my mom that you thought about me a lot, all the time.  You told her… you told her that you love me.”

He sighed, his eyes still on the sea, and whispered, “I did.”

Fresh tears welled in her eyes and she squeezed his hand.  She wanted him to look at her.  She wanted him to see her reassuring smile, to know that her love for him hadn’t weakened in the time he’d been away.  She needed him to understand.

“I missed you so much, Oliver.  My whole world fell apart when I thought – when Thea told me you were gone.  I couldn’t breathe without you.”

She choked on a gasp, her shoulders shaking, and he finally allowed her to see his eyes.  Her own sorrow was reflected back at her and the sight of it only made her cry harder. 

He reached for her, his cold hands clasping her face as he rested his forehead against her.

“Please don’t cry, Flick,” he murmured, “Please.”

She shook her head, “It hurt so much being here without you.  Everything – everything reminded me of you, of us.  I couldn’t leave my house, Oliver.  It was like my life ended the moment you were taken from me.  It took Thea and Iris weeks to talk me back from the ledge.  I – I didn’t know what to do.”

He drew her into his side and she found herself drawing strength from him.  He was solid and warm against her, reminding her that he was in fact real, that the man she had thought she’d lost had come back from the dead.  And for the first time since discovering he was home, she felt a sense of relief.  The confusion and anxiety she’d been overcome with since stepping foot on Star Island less than a week earlier melted away.

“Do you remember the last time that I saw you?”

“The night of the prom.  I’ll never forget that night, Oliver.”

“It was my birthday.”

She nodded, “I remember.”

“I was so angry at you,” he told her.

She set her chin on his shoulder.

“Why?”

He scoffed, “Seriously?  Felicity, you said no.”

She drew back and sighed heavily, “I was seventeen, Oliver!  I was getting ready to graduate, prepping for MIT, and I – I wasn’t ready!  I was scared!”

It was a conversation that had yet to take place.  Almost a decade later and they’d never really talked about it.  They hadn’t broken up after she’d refused his proposal but he had left for Fort Bragg the next morning and when she’d talked to him on the phone a few days later, he’d acted like it had never happened.  They both had.  He had never asked her to explain why she’d refused.

“I wasn’t asking you to marry me right that moment,” he said sharply, “I didn’t ask you to run away with me, Felicity.  I was prepared to wait.  We would’ve had to.  Six weeks after that night, I left on my first deployment.  We had years to plan a wedding.  I would’ve waited forever for you.  I thought you knew that.  I asked that night because I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you and I knew – I knew there was a chance I’d die over there and you’d never know how much I loved you!”

Her throat was tight and her eyes burned.  His words cut her deep.

“I was scared, Oliver.”

He looked away.

“You don’t think I was scared, too?  I wasn’t much older than you and I was heading into a warzone.  I never thought you’d say no.”

“We were too young,” she muttered.

“I loved you.  And I knew what I wanted.”

She drew in a sharp breath, “I loved you, too.  I – I still do.”

He pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes.  She recognized the physical manifestation of his frustration and it made her pulse race.  She wanted him to tell her that he still loved her.  She needed to hear him say it.

“Don’t say that, Flick.”

She frowned, “Why not?”

“Fuck!  Because it isn’t fucking fair!  You can’t tell me that you love me when you’re here with someone else!”

He stood up then, grabbing his towel and his shoes.  She didn’t get a chance to tell him about Ray as he showed her his back.

“Go home, Felicity,” he called over his shoulder.

“Oliver –“

“You don’t know what you’re saying.  You came here with Ray and I’m not going to talk to you about this until he’s gone.”

She almost called out to him and demanded that he come back.  She almost told him in that moment that she’d already broken up with Ray, that he was probably in his car at that very second headed back to Coast City.  But shock kept her quiet as she watched him retreat. 

It wasn’t until he was out of sight that she realized he’d called her by her nickname.  He had called her Flick.  She knew what it meant.  The young man she had loved all those years ago was still in there.  He was buried under years of pain, of unimaginable anguish, but he was there and she would do whatever she could to bring him back.

 


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, you guys are incredible! The response to this fic has been awesome. Thank you so much!

**Chapter Twelve**

Felicity carried the now-empty container of her mom’s special order muffins up the front walk of Verdant.  She’d been down at Perk Up, delivering their daily order for her mom, but her mind had been in the past. 

She hadn’t seen Oliver since their short-lived conversation the day before and while she’d wanted to storm over to Queen Manor and demand that he let her explain, the fact that Moira Queen would be there had made her abstain.  She and Oliver’s mother hadn’t really seen eye to eye when she was younger.  Mostly because Felicity couldn’t handle the fact that Moira had allowed her son to suffer so much at her husband’s hand.  She claimed that she loved her children, all three of them, but when Felicity had learned how rough life was for Oliver at home, she hadn’t been able to understand Moira’s actions.  Or lack thereof. 

She shook her head, pushing open the gate at the end of the inn’s walkway and had walked halfway to the door when the sound of shouting from inside caused her steps to falter.  It had been years since she’d heard her sister’s voice but as it reached her ears now, she knew she would recognize it anywhere.

Dashing up the front porch steps, Felicity burst through the door.  Her heart was racing in her chest and the rush of blood in her ears was almost enough to drown out the argument she’d walked in on.

Felicity took in the scene with wide eyes.

They were in the entryway.   Laurel was on the landing at the bend in the staircase, yelling at her mother where she stood just inside the door.  Oliver was there, his body angled protectively in front of Donna, hands up in front of him as if he was trying to assure Laurel that he wasn’t a danger to her.  Laurel’s eyes were wild, her normally silky hair a disheveled mess, her cheeks stained red.  Felicity imagined she could smell the alcohol on her breath even at such a distance. 

Angry eyes flicked in her direction.

“And look!  The prodigal child has returned!”

Oliver tensed, glancing over his shoulder toward the front door.  Felicity stood immobile as she stared up at her sister.

“Laurel, I –“

She watched as her sister pulled one of the photos from the wall and smashed it against the banister.  Shards of glass fell in a shower to the floor before Laurel flung the frame away from her.  Felicity clapped both hands over her mouth to stifle a startled cry.  Laurel repeated the motion with another photo and then another before grabbing for one and whirling around to their mother.

“Where is my daughter?” she demanded, “Where’s Sara?”

Donna shook her head and made to step around Oliver.  He moved with her and Felicity was grateful.  She couldn’t imagine what Laurel would do in her current state. 

“She isn’t here, Laurel,” her mother said slowly.

Laurel chucked the photo at her and, had Oliver not stepped it the way, it would’ve hit her.  Instead, it hit Oliver’s shoulder before falling to the floor.

“Laurel, please, don’t do this,” Felicity heard herself say, “What are you doing here?  What’s going on?”

She looked sick.  Her eyes were blood-shot, frenzied, and the dark circles beneath them made it seem as if she hadn’t slept properly in months.  Her face was more sharply angled than it had been the last time Felicity had seen her and she wasn’t sure if it was a result of the chemicals she’d been using or a lack of nourishment.  There was a strong possibility, Felicity thought, that it was a combination of the two.

Laurel laughed, sounding bitter and angry, and said, “What the hell do you think I’m doing, Felicity?  I came to get my daughter.”

“She isn’t yours anymore, Laurel.  Mom and Dad have custody of Sara, you can’t just show up here and –“

Another photo was flung over the banister, this one aimed at her, and Felicity raised her arms to block her face.  The frame never touched her because Oliver put himself in front of her before it could. 

“You don’t want to do this.  This isn’t the way to get Sara back, Laurel,” Oliver told her, his voice eerily calm.

“Don’t!  Don’t you think that you can talk to me, Oliver Queen!  I can’t even – You make me sick!” Laurel screamed, “You killed him!  You killed Tommy!”

Donna took a step closer to her, reaching for her hand, and Oliver somehow managed to shield them both.  Felicity squeezed her mother’s hand.

“Oliver didn’t kill anyone, Laurel, and you know it!”

“Tommy is dead because of him!” her sister shouted, “He’s gone and I will never get him back!”

Oliver took a step in Laurel’s direction and Felicity wanted to reach out and stop him.

“What happened to Tommy was an accident,” he murmured, “But you’re right, it was my fault.  Tommy is dead because of me.  And I’m sorry, Laurel, I never meant for anyone to get hurt.”

The way that Oliver’s voice cracked as he spoke of his brother caused a fissure to form in Felicity’s heart.  He didn’t deserve to be blamed for Tommy’s death.  It was an accident.  No one had forced Tommy into the water that night.  But he had been a good brother to Oliver, they’d been best friends, and if their roles had been reversed, Oliver would have done the same for Tommy.

“You’re a selfish son of a bi-“

Oliver blocked the oncoming projectile with an arm held in front of his face.  The frame hit the ground and joined the pile of debris growing there.

“Laurel!  Stop!  This isn’t why you came here.  You came for Sara, right?  So tell me why the hell you think we’d let you take her?” Felicity prodded, trying to step away from her mother.

“I’m her mother!  She’s – she’s mine!”

Felicity scoffed, “I hate to break it to you, Laurel, but pushing out a kid doesn’t make you a mother!  Raising that kid, taking care of her and loving her, that’s what it means to be a mother.  You have to make sure that she has the things that she needs, that she’s happy and healthy.  You’re supposed to tell her that she’s beautiful and smart.  You’re supposed to make her feel like she’s the most precious thing in the world!  You have done none of that for Sara!  You left her!  You just dropped her on Mom and Dad and walked away!”

She withdrew her hand from her mom’s and took a step out from behind the protective wall that Oliver had made of his body.  She threw her hands up in frustration.

“I know that what happened to Tommy broke you,” she began, “I get that.  Me, of all people, I understand!  But look at you, Laurel!  This isn’t what Tommy would want!  He loved you.  We all love you.  But you – you gave up trying because he was gone.  And look where it’s gotten you.”

A mixture of anger and guilt flashed across her sister’s face.

“He came back to you!  I will _never_ see Tommy again!”

“But I didn’t know!” Felicity yelled, “I didn’t know he would come back, Laurel, and I fell apart!  If you had been here, if you’d … If you’d stayed, I would’ve helped you.  I would’ve helped you move on.  You could’ve had so much, could’ve been someone other than this angry, lonely woman!  You had all of us, our whole family, here to support you but you – you gave up!”

The next frame that Laurel threw was the heaviest of them all and Felicity moved too slowly to get out of the way.  It glanced off of Oliver’s shoulder before hitting her square in the face.  Pain burst through her nose, blinding light erupting in front of her eyes, and the room tipped off kilter.

For a split second, she was frozen.  And then the noise erupted and she collapsed.

When she blinked her eyes open a few moments later, Felicity realized that she had been out for more than a few seconds.

Her mother knelt beside her on the floor holding a warm, wet washcloth to her face.

“Stay still, honey.  We’re going to get you to the hospital.”

She groaned, “How bad is it?”

“Not too bad,” her mother assured her, “But I think it’s a good idea for you to get checked out.”

“Where’s Laurel?”

“Oliver managed to get her outside.  One of the guests called the police,” Donna explained, “Oliver is talking to Roy now.”

Her eyes slipped closed and Felicity felt at least one tear escape.

“Are they – Is Roy going to arrest her?”

“Your sister needs help, honey.  She’s unstable.  And, as much for your protection as hers, he’s going to take her in.”

Felicity knew that her sister was sick.  Her mother was right, Laurel needed help, she had for a long time.  But after Tommy’s death, she’d withdrawn from everyone.  She hadn’t given any of them the chance to help her.

“Hey, Felicity, we’re going to have you sit up now, okay?”

She opened her eyes to find a paramedic kneeling beside her and Felicity recognized the woman from high school.

“Hi, Nyssa.”

Nyssa smile at her kindly and slid her arm around Felicity’s shoulders, helping her sit up.  She took a penlight from her pocket and shone it in her eyes.

“There’s a definite chance you’ve got a concussion and I’m going to guess that your nose is broken,” she told her, “Do you think you’re okay to walk?”

Felicity caught movement out of the corner of her eye and watched as Oliver crouched down on her other side.  She wasn’t sure where her mother had gone.

“I think so.”

With Nyssa on her left and Oliver on her right, they managed to get her on her feet.  The room tilted sideways and she squeezed Oliver’s hand where it was tangled with hers.

“Maybe you should get the stretcher,” he suggested.

Felicity shook her head, “No, I can walk.  Just… just give me a second.”

Slowly, the three of them managed to maneuver their way out onto the porch.  An ambulance waited for them at the end of the suddenly endless walkway and, behind that, Roy’s police cruiser sat with the lights flashing.  Felicity sighed.

“It’s going to be okay, Flick.”

She glanced quickly at Oliver and tried to smile but the action made her face ache.

Roy was standing in the front yard talking to her mother and Thea was hurrying toward them. 

“Oh my god!  Ollie, what the hell happened?  ‘Lis, are you okay?”

She couldn’t make the words in her head into a sentence.  Her sister was in the back of Roy’s cruiser, her forehead pressed against the window, her eyes closed.  She looked exhausted.

“She’s going to be fine, Speedy.  And I’ll tell you about it later.”

Felicity didn’t hear Thea’s response as Oliver and Nyssa helped her into the back of the ambulance.  She was laid out on a stretcher and the moment she was comfortable, her eyes began to slip closed.

“Do you want me to ride with you to the hospital?”

Oliver was leaning over her, his voice soft as he smoothed a lock of hair from her forehead.

She shook her head, “No, stay with Mom.”

“Are you sure?”

“Please?”

He squeezed her hand, “Okay.  Thea will ride with you and your mom and I will be right behind you, okay?”

“Okay,” she muttered, “Oliver?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.  For stepping in.  For keeping my mom safe.”

She closed her eyes again, welcoming the darkness.  She felt movement around her and thought that Thea and Oliver had changed places.  At least until a soft kiss brushed against her ear and his voice whispered, “Anything for you, Flick.”

 


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here you go! We're quickly closing in on the end, four more chapters and the epilogue! Thank you again to everyone who has commented and even if you haven't commented, thanks so much for taking the time to read this!

**Chapter Thirteen**

“Man, ‘Lis, you sure could stand to lose a few pounds.”

Barry’s teasing tone as he carried her bridal-style into her parents’ house was the only reason Felicity didn’t slap him upside the head.  Also, the fact that he was carrying her and she didn’t want to end up on the floor, but still.

“I told you I can walk, you know,” she huffed, “I have a concussion, I’m not an invalid.”

He shrugged, “You were all wobbly at the hospital, figured I’d save you another accident.”

Felicity laughed at her cousin’s use of the word ‘accident’ but she chose not to comment.  That was what they’d all been calling it.  Ten hours in the hospital thanks to her angry big sister and it was an ‘accident’.  She huffed again.

“Last thing we need is another trip to the hospital with you,” Thea said from behind him, “I mean, remember when we were kids?  Every other month this one was in the ER.  Broken arm, sprained ankle, ten stitches in her calf.  She was a walking disaster.”

“Hey!  All of those incidents that you just referenced were all someone else’s fault!” Felicity protested, “At least one of them was yours!”

Thea giggled, “Hey, I only dared you to jump that ditch on your bike, you’re the crazy woman who decided she had to prove me wrong!”

Their bickering continued all the way to Felicity’s room where Barry deposited her in the middle of her bed.  He shook his head at them.

“Alright, well, I’m out of here, ‘Lis.  Caitlin’s waiting and I promised her I’d bring her some of your mom’s carrot muffins.  It’s the only pregnancy craving she’s had so far and she’ll kill me if I don’t bring them home to her.”

Felicity and Thea both beamed at him.

“I still can’t believe you two are having a baby!”

She suddenly burst into a fit of giggles and Barry glanced at Thea with raised brows.  Thea shrugged.

“It’s gotta be the pain meds they put her on.  I’ve seen her on some strong stuff and she’s pretty damn hysterical,” Thea explained, “You’ll miss the best part if you leave now.”

Barry kissed her on the forehead, saying goodbye to Thea as he backed out of the room.  He shut the door behind him and Thea sat down on the edge of the bed.

“You’re probably exhausted.”

Felicity shrugged, “I could sleep.”

Thea grinned and helped pull her friend’s sneakers from her feet.  She pulled back the blankets, tucking Felicity in, and sat down at her side again.

“He’ll come back, you know,” Thea told her.

“I know.”

“Ollie just… he’s having a hard time handling things right now.  You especially.  For some reason, my brother has this complex where you’re concerned.  But, ‘Lis, he loves you.  He’ll be back.”

Felicity sighed and, weighted down by the Vicodin she’d been prescribed, her eyes slipped closed.

Three hours had passed by the time she opened them again.  Her stomach grumbled as she lay in the dark staring up at her ceiling.  The pain in her nose had waned to a dull throb.  It was broken and there was a minor fracture in her cheekbone.  She was certain her face was one big bruise but she hadn’t had a chance to look in a mirror.

Her stomach growled again, echoing in the quiet of her room, and she slid her feet to the floor.  When she sat up, the room spun and she squeezed her eyes shut to fight off the nausea.  Struggling to stand, she swayed for a moment before shuffling to her bedroom door.  Getting down the stairs was a workout and when she came into the kitchen, Felicity was more than a little surprised to find her dad at the kitchen table.  The clock on the wall told her it was close to two in the morning.

“Hey, Dad, are you okay?  What are you doing up?”

He scoffed, “I could ask you the same thing.  Thought you’d be out ‘til tomorrow afternoon sometime.  Those meds Doc Michaels gave you are pretty strong.”

“Well, my hunger was stronger apparently.  I woke up with a bear in my stomach demanding food.”

Her dad’s familiar smirk warmed her as she slid into a seat opposite him.  He pushed a plate of apple pie across the table to her and passed over his fork.  She scooped up as big of a piece as possible and moaned quietly as it assaulted her taste buds.

“How does she do it?” she asked around a mouthful of pie, “I mean, I can’t bake cookies without burning them but Mom makes these pies and the muffins and cakes and why wasn’t that a skill I inherited?”

Her dad laughed, “She is the best.  One of the reasons I married her.”

“You say that every time, Dad.”

She finished the pie as her dad sat across from her in silence.  She felt his eyes on her as she ate but chose to wait until she could push the plate away from her before she met his gaze.

“What’s wrong, Daddy?”

He shrugged, “Not a thing, kiddo.”

“Dad, please, I know you better than that.  It’s Laurel, isn’t it?  What – What’s going to happen to her?”

“We don’t know yet, ‘Lis.  They’re keeping her a few days to evaluate her.  Roy and her attorney are working to do what they can to get her help.”

His tone was weary and she knew that the whole situation with her sister was taking its toll on her family.

“I’m sorry.”

He looked at her, surprised, “Sorry for what, sweetheart?”

“For this, for all of it.  Laurel never would’ve come back here if she hadn’t found out I was home.  She – she hates me.  She hates Oliver.  And I don’t know that that will ever change.  Even with treatment, I’m not sure she’ll ever forgive us.”

Her dad reached across the table for her hands, clasping them both in his, and spoke with conviction.

“You’re her little sister, ‘Lis.  She’ll come around.  She’s still hurt and she’s still angry because she didn’t deal with Tommy’s death properly,” he assured her, “Laurel spiraled out of control and that’s no one’s fault but her own.  We tried to get her through it the best that we could but even before Tommy died, no one could make Laurel do something she didn’t want to do.  You know that.”

Felicity sighed, “I know.  But it’s been ten years, how much more time does she need?”

She wasn’t surprised when her father didn’t respond.  She got to her feet again, slowly and with a bit of a struggle, but she crossed the kitchen and set her plate in the sink.

“Your mother mentioned that you sent Palmer back to Coast City.”

She turned back to where he sat at the table.

“It was time.  I have some stuff here that I need to take care of and I need to do it on my own.”

Her dad nodded, “I understand.  Palmer seems like a good guy, I’m sure he’ll be fine.  Have to tell you, though, kid, I’m glad you finally came to your senses.”

She snorted, “Excuse me?”

“Felicity Meghan Lance, you and I both know that you weren’t serious about Ray Palmer.  Never would’ve lasted, if you ask me.  You’ve been Oliver’s girl since you were five years old.”

“Dad!  Four days ago I thought Oliver was dead!”

He shrugged but said nothing.  He didn’t need to.  He had always been able to read her like an open book.  Unlike Laurel, she’d never been able to hide anything from her parents.  She was a terrible liar.

She sighed, “I tried to move on, you know?  I thought I could be someone else, I thought I could find someone else who could make me happy.  But Oliver… Oliver has always been with me.  He’s owned my heart for so long that giving it away to someone else was impossible.”

“I can’t begin to imagine how that was for you, sweetheart, thinking that you’d lost someone you loved so much.  And both of my girls, going through different versions of the same thing.  I’m proud of you, ‘Lis.  You held your head high and I know it killed you to let him go but you came through it and you’ve got him back.”

She nodded, crossing her arms over her chest and leaning against the counter at her back.

“He told me that you told him about Ray.  That you told him when he tried to come to Coast City to find me.”

He nodded and she continued before he could explain.

“Why?  Why would you try to stop him?  He didn’t come because you told him, Dad!  He didn’t want me to know that he was alive!”

“Felicity, there are other people in this house who are sleeping, there’s no need to yell,” he told her calmly, “And I told Ollie because I was worried about him, about what would happen if he found out you’d moved on with your life.  If he saw you with another man.  He’s seen things, lived through things that you and I can’t even begin to understand, and when he first came home, I wasn’t sure about where he was health wise.  He was desperate to see you.  He talked to your mom and me a lot before he made the decision to go looking for you.  Neither of us had the heart to tell him at first.  But I didn’t know how he’d react if he found you living with Ray.”

She shook her head, “Oliver would never hurt me.”

“It wasn’t you I was worried about, sweetheart.  I didn’t know what he would do to himself.”

“He would never –“

“You don’t know, Felicity.  You have no idea what he’s been through, what state he was in when he came home.  Oliver doesn’t talk much about his journey back to us but I think that what he lived through will haunt him for the rest of his life.  There won’t be a day that goes by that he doesn’t remember something from that time.  All he wanted when he came home was you and I couldn’t let him get his hopes up about what he would find in Coast City.”

“He won’t talk to me, Dad.”

She felt like a broken record.  Everyone kept urging her to talk to him, telling her that she was the only one that he wanted to talk to, and she’d tried.  She’d tried to get him to open up but he’d only pushed her away.

“Come on, pumpkin.  Back to bed.  You need to sleep off those pain meds.  You can talk to Ollie in the morning.”

It was as if her dad’s words had signaled something in her brain, telling her just how exhausted she really was.  She yawned loudly.

With his arm around her waist, her dad led her up the stairs to her bedroom.

“Goodnight, kiddo.”

“Night, Dad.”

She closed the door and shuffled over to her bed.  Switching on the lamp, she found the bottle of pills that had been placed on her nightstand.

“Thank god,” she muttered, popping a pill into her mouth and chasing it with half a glass of water.  Her head was suddenly pounding.

“Flick?”

She jumped, water sloshing over the lip of the glass, and whirled around.  Oliver was halfway through her bedroom window.

“Frack!  You scared the hell out of me!”

She sank down on the edge of the mattress and clapped a hand over her heart.  It was now pounding in time with the ache in her head. 

“I’m sorry.  I didn’t … I sort of expected you to be asleep.”

Felicity eyed him curiously.

“You realize that just makes you sneaking into my bedroom window creepy, right?  What?  Were you coming to watch me sleep?”

He shrugged, a small smirk tugging up one corner of his mouth.

“Maybe.”

Her stomach fluttered a little at his expression.  He hadn’t looked at her like that in a long time.

“I talked to your mom today,” he confessed, coming the rest of the way into the room and lowering the window, “Why didn’t you tell me about Ray?”

She climbed under the covers and propped herself up against the headboard.  She was already feeling sluggish thanks to the medication and the conversation that she was gearing up to have would definitely zap what was left of her energy.

Felicity shrugged, “I tried.  Yesterday morning on the beach.  But you got mad at me and stormed away.  And you never showed up at the hospital so…”

Oliver sighed and scrubbed a hand over the stubble on his jaw.

“I’m sorry.  Seeing you like that, I – I wanted to kill Laurel for what she did to you.  And I didn’t stop her.  I should’ve stopped her, Flick.”

She shook her head and held out her hand to him.  He stared at her for a long moment before crossing the room and sitting on the bed beside her.  He took her hand, his calloused palm sliding against hers, and she felt as if her heart was going to erupt in her chest.

“Do you remember the last night that we spent here?  Together in my bed?”

He nodded, “I remember.”

“You asked me to wait for you.”

“I know.”

She swallowed back her emotions.

“I waited, Oliver,” she whispered, “I waited and I would’ve kept waiting.  But when Thea called, when she told me that you –“

Her voice cracked and she choked on her words.

“We had a memorial,” she continued, “We had a funeral for you and I felt like I’d lost a part of my soul.  I don’t know what you went through, Oliver, but please don’t think that being here without you was easy for me.”

He lifted their joined hands and brushed his lips across her knuckles.

“I never imagined that it was, Flick.”

She yawned again, her eyes suddenly heavy with sleep, and she felt Oliver begin to pull away.  She clutched his hand.

“Please, Oliver, please stay.”

It was so normal, so familiar, the feel of him beneath her when they were finally stretched out together.  Felicity was pressed against his side, the full length of her body touching his, with her head on his chest.  His heartbeat was strong and steady beneath her ear.

“Goodnight, Oliver.”

His lips were soft against her forehead and she knew that he spoke, that he said something, but she couldn’t be sure she’d heard him correctly.  Sleep had already consumed her.

He repeated the words just as she was pulled under.

“I love you, Flick.”


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter Fourteen**

Felicity stood under the shower spray and tried to avoid letting it hit her in the face.  Her nose was bandaged, her right eye practically swollen shut, and the bruise she was sporting was so dark it was almost black.  She hadn’t spent long checking out the damage in the mirror.  There wasn’t anything that she could do about it, anyway.  It would heal on its own.

She hadn’t been surprised when she’d woken up alone.  When they were kids, on the nights that Oliver climbed in through her bedroom window and slept curled around her, she always woke to an empty bed.  It was good to know that some things hadn’t changed.

When she’d dressed in a pair of leggings and a baggy sweatshirt, she headed downstairs.  Bypassing the few remaining guests in the dining room, she ducked into the kitchen and found her parents there.  Her dad was at the table again and her mom was at the kitchen sink.

“Good morning, sweetie.  How do you feel?” her mom asked as Felicity settled herself at the counter.

She shrugged, “Like I got hit by a freight train, actually.  But I’ll live.”

Her dad chuckled but her mom frowned.

“Honey, did you take the medication that Doctor Michaels gave you?  You probably shouldn’t be moving around too much.”

“I took a vicodin, Mom.  I’ll be fine.  And I can’t stay in bed all day, I’ll go crazy.”

Her mom set a cup of coffee in front of her and Felicity picked it up, taking a large gulp.

“Thank god for coffee,” she sighed.

She felt both of her parents watching her, felt their expectation as they waited for her to say something.

“Okay, if you have something you want to ask me, please ask because the awkward silence is only getting more awkward and I’m starting to freak out a little.”

Her dad spoke up first.

“You planning on moving back into your old room or is this just an open-ended visit?”

She sighed, this time in exasperation.

“I – I don’t know yet.  I don’t know how long I’m going to stay but… but I’d like to stay.  On Star Island, I mean.”

“’Lis, honey, Not that I’m not thrilled that you want to move home but I have to ask, what about your job?  Your apartment?  You have a life in Coast City,” her mother reminded her.

“I know.  But I have a life here, too.  It just took someone else to make me see it.  I love it here, Mom.  Star Island is my home.  It always has been.  It just didn’t feel right being here for a while,” she shrugged, “It’s better now.”

Her mom’s wide grin made her cheeks flush.

“I saw Oliver bright and early this morning.  Did he stay here last night?” she asked.

Felicity choked on the mouthful of coffee she’d mistakenly tried to swallow.

“Um, yes?”

“I was a little surprised to see him, that’s all.”

“Tell me about it,” she huffed, “He climbed in my window in the middle of the night and scared the life out of me.”

“Used to do that all the time, if memory serves,” her dad supplied from his place at the table.

Felicity’s face was suddenly very warm.

“You knew?” she squeaked.

He shrugged and sipped at his coffee.

“Of course we knew, pumpkin.  Why do you think that ladder was always propped against the back porch?”

She groaned and dropped her head to the cool stone counter.

“I swear, we never did anything.  He just… his dad was…”

Her mom giggled and her dad moved from the table to sit beside her at the counter.  She looked up at him from behind the curtain of her hair.  He squeezed her shoulder.

“Felicity, everyone knew that Robert Queen was a bastard to his son,” her dad told her, “He wasn’t a kind man but Ollie… there was something about him that Robert despised.  He treated that boy like he was trash.”

She straightened in her seat and glanced between her parents.

“Robert wasn’t Oliver’s biological father.”

Her mother’s surprise registered as normal but her father’s stoic response confused her.

“I had my doubts.  I don’t know what man in his right mind would treat his own flesh and blood with the disdain that Queen showed Oliver.  Figured it was something like that.”

Felicity chewed her lower lip for a moment.

“Moira had an affair when Tommy was still a baby,” she explained, “Oliver was the result.  Robert didn’t want it to get out that his wife had cheated on him so he claimed Oliver as his son.  But Oliver paid for his mother’s mistake.  He used to… he used to come to me so badly beaten that he could hardly walk, Dad.”

Tears pricked her eyes again.  She had been with Oliver for some of the worst moments of his life.  She’d stood by him through so much but her biggest regret was not doing more to get him away from Robert Queen.

“I never helped him,” she murmured, “I never – I never told anyone.  Tommy tried to protect him, he was always protecting him, but when Tommy died…”

Her dad wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her into his side.  He kissed the top of her head.

“That’s why we never said anything, ‘Lis.  We knew that he was safe here.  He was safe with you.  He was happy.”

The lump in her throat made it impossible to speak for a minute but when she finally had her emotions under control, she wiped the tears from her eyes.

“I can’t believe you knew he was here and you never said anything.”

Her dad shrugged, “Just because I didn’t say anything to you, kid, doesn’t mean Ollie and I never discussed it.”

“He never told me…”

“There was nothing to tell.  I just told him that he was welcome to stay here any time but that I’d rather he use the ladder than try to climb your mom’s trellis.”

She laughed, shaking her head and swiping away a few errant tears.

“Thank you.”

Her mom came around the counter and hugged her.

“You have nothing to thank us for, Felicity.  Your father and I love Oliver very much.  He made you so happy and we would’ve done anything we could to help him.  He was a good kid and he’s a great man.  I hope that you two can work things out.  You both deserve to be happy.”

Felicity didn’t think that her heart could take much more.  Her whole life she had loved Oliver Queen.  She loved him even before she knew what love was.  And she’d been given a second chance to be with him.  A second chance to love him and be loved by him in return.  It was a chance she had to take.

“If I decide to stay on the island, would it be okay if I did move back into my room?  Just for a while, until – until we find a place of our own?”

Her mom hugged her again, “Sweetheart, you are more than welcome to stay here.  Both of you.”

She almost told her mother that that would not be happening but she thought better of it.  She didn’t want to have to explain, out loud, to either of her parents why she had no intention of living under their roof with Oliver.  They had been apart for nearly a decade.  They had a lot of time to make up for and doing so in her parents’ house was a serious no-go.

“I take it he’s not here, right?  He isn’t around the house working on some project?” Felicity asked.

“Afraid not, kiddo.”

She sighed, “Well I should probably go and find him.  We are long overdue for a serious conversation.”

Felicity headed for the back door, stuffing her feet into a pair of warm fur-lined boots, but stopped when her dad called out to her.

“You aren’t going to find him at Queen Manor, ‘Lis.  Oliver wouldn’t stay there.  I’d check with Doc Michaels, actually, over on Elm.”

She frowned, “What?  Why Doc Michaels?”

“She’s married to a friend of Ollie’s, John.  They came to Star Island when Oliver came home.”

Felicity wasn’t sure what to make of the information her father had given her.  Oliver had returned from the dead only to come back to Star Island with his friend and said friend’s wife in tow.  She didn’t understand why Mr. and Mrs. Michaels would move all the way from – wherever they were from – to the island. 

“You said down on Elm?” she asked.

Her dad nodded, “Little place called Kaleidoscope.”

Felicity shook her head.  It was a thing on a small island like theirs, naming all of the homes.  Some of them were cute, others practical, and some just made no sense to her.  Kaleidoscope was an interesting one and she wondered if the doctor and her husband had chosen that moniker or if the house had been christened prior to their arrival.  She would have to remember to ask one of them.

“Okay.  Well I guess I’m heading to the other side of the island.  I’ll be back as soon as I can.  Wish me luck.”

“You don’t need luck,honey.  Just Oliver.”

She grinned goofily at her mother’s comment and didn’t contradict her.

“Oh, and we’re having the family over for dinner tonight!” her mom called as the screen door swung shut behind her, “Bring Oliver!”

The walk from Verdant down Murray Hill to the main fairway of the island didn’t take long and Felicity swung in at Perk Up before she went in search of the Michaels’ home.

“Hey stranger!” Iris called, glancing up briefly from the espresso machine she stood in front of.

Iris did a double-take and Felicity saw her eyes widen.  She sighed and waved a hand in front of her face.

“I’m fine, I swear.  It looks way worse than it is,” she assured her.

“Thea told me that you’d taken a hit to the face but she didn’t say how bad!  What did Laurel hit you with, a shovel?”

Felicity laughed, “No, a picture frame.  But that was bad enough, thanks.  Listen, I’m kind of in a hurry.  I – I’m on my way to see Oliver but I wanted to stop in and invite you to dinner tonight at Verdant.  Big family thing my parents are throwing apparently, and please, bring your dad, too.”

Iris grinned, “Off to reunite with the love of your life, huh?  Sounds like fun.”

“I’ve got to find him first,” Felicity told her, rolling her eyes, “Do you know where Doc Michaels lives?”

“Oh!  Right down the street from the bicycle shop.  Their house is adorable!  They’ve only been here a couple of months, since Oliver came home, but they’ve done a great job with it.  Why are you looking for Doc’s place?”

“According to my dad, it’s where I’ll find Oliver.  He isn’t living at the manor and I never really thought to ask Thea if she knew where he was staying.”

Iris hugged her and wished her luck and then Felicity was off again.  It only took another five minutes to turn onto Elm Street and locate the small cottage with the sign posted out front that labeled it as Kaleidoscope.  She pushed through the gate and walked up the porch steps.  With her fist raised to knock, she was startled when the door swung open before she had the chance.

“Frack!” she gasped, taking an automatic step back in fright.

The man in the doorway was tall, at least as tall as Oliver, and had arms as big around as her thighs.  He didn’t necessarily look intimidating, Felicity thought, but she sure knew she wouldn’t want to be his opponent in any kind of physical altercation.

“Uh, hi.  I’m Felicity Lance, I’m looking for Oliver.”

The man smiled at her and stuck out one large hand.

“John Diggle.  I’ve heard a lot about you, Miss Lance.  Come on in.”

Felicity followed him into the living room and looked around.

“Diggle?  I’m sorry, I thought it was Michaels.”

Laughter came from the kitchen and a few moments later, the doctor who had treated Felicity at the hospital appeared.

“Johnny hates that I kept my maiden name,” she explained, “But I haven’t gotten around to changing it, honestly.  It’s good to see you again, Felicity.  Especially outside of the hospital.”

She smirked, “Yes, I have to agree.  It’s good to see you, too, Dr. Michaels.”

John and Lyla sat on the couch and Felicity settled in a chair caddy corner.  Her eyes wandered around their living room until they settled on a photo of Oliver with the two of them that sat on the fireplace mantel.

“You were in the military, too?” she asked the doctor.

“I was.  It’s where I got all of my medical training.  Well, I shouldn’t say all.  But most of it.”

Felicity nodded, “So you both knew Oliver while he was… while he was over there?”

John and his wife exchanged a knowing look and the doctor excused herself.  When she was alone with John, Felicity waited.

“He talked about you nonstop,” John began, “I met him in his first few weeks at basic.  He went through hell like everyone else but there was something different about Oliver.  A desire to prove himself.  He wanted people to know that nothing we did would break him.  It was like he had this fire inside of him that kept him going.  A survival instinct embedded so deep in him that it took over at times.

“It took almost a year for him to actually let me be his friend.  He didn’t want to trust me, or anyone else for that matter, and when you’re a part of a team like ours, that shit won’t get you far.  So he finally got his head out of his ass and realized that we were a team.  That we were there to keep each other alive, to keep each other grounded.  Once he opened up, it was harder than hell to get him to shut up.  Especially when it came to you.”

Felicity felt her face flush and wondered if the blush on her cheeks would ever fade. 

“Were you there?  Were you with him when they took him?”

John nodded, “Our whole unit was attacked.  No one even knew that Oliver had survived.  We assumed the worst, just like the rest of you.”

“You could probably tell me a lot about him,” she mused, “About who he is today.  About what he went through.”

John said nothing and she knew that he wouldn’t break Oliver’s confidence.

“But you won’t.  And that’s okay.  I think I’d rather hear it from him.  The problem is – and the reason I’m here – is that I don’t know where he is, Mr. Diggle.  And I really need to talk to him.”

Doc appeared then, sliding right back into her spot beside her husband, and picked up his hand where it rest on his knee.

“I can’t tell you much about Oliver, Felicity, but I feel like there’s at least one thing I should explain.  When we first came back, when Johnny and I first brought Oliver home, he was staying here with us.  But his PTSD can get pretty bad.  It comes and goes, mostly, but it’s always the worst when he’s asleep.  His dreams are haunted, filled with horrific images and memories of the things he went through and he’s taken to avoiding sleep whenever he can,” Lyla explained.

“Okay.  So where is he?” Felicity asked, her hands clasped tightly in her lap to keep them from trembling.

“Somewhere that he can be isolated.  Somewhere he doesn’t have to worry about anyone trying to wake him up.”

She looked between the two of them, concern for Oliver flooding through her.

“And can either of you tell me where exactly that might be?”

 


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This might be the chapter you've all been waiting for...

**Chapter Fifteen**

Felicity approached the treehouse with caution.

John and Doctor Michaels (Lyla, she’d been told) hadn’t been kidding about Oliver being isolated.  John had drawn a map and as she’d followed his directions deeper into the woods, into the undeveloped part of Star Island, a knot of worry had formed in her chest.  She had no idea what state Oliver would be in when she found him but Lyla had warned her to be careful.  If Oliver was asleep and she caught him off guard, he could very easily hurt her without meaning to.

She came to a stop at the base of an old redwood and stared up at the simple wood structure that Oliver had built for himself.  John and Lyla had explained that, after one too many close calls in their home, Oliver had taken it upon himself to put distance between them.  It didn’t surprise her.  Oliver had always been good at being a martyr.

The sound of his voice, strangled and distressed, came from over head and Felicity paused with her hand on the crude ladder.

He was dreaming, in the midst of a nightmare from the sound of it, and even though her brain was telling her that it was a bad idea, she scaled the ladder and pushed through the hatch.

Oliver was curled on his side, his back to her, and she could see him trembling.  He whimpered, the noise pained, and thrashed around for a moment.  She stood paralyzed by fear, her heart breaking for him.  Indiscernible mumbling came from him and she thought that he was speaking another language.  But it didn’t matter that she couldn’t understand him.  She knew that whatever he was saying, it was a plea.  He was begging.

She climbed the rest of the way into the tree house and secured the hatch behind her.  There was enough room inside that she could’ve stood but she stayed low, crawling toward his sleeping form on her hands and knees.

“Oliver,” she whispered, “Oliver, you’re okay.  Wake up, Oliver.  You’re safe.”

He mumbled something else that she couldn’t make out and rolled onto his back.  His expression was pained, his eyes screwed shut, his mouth twisted, and Felicity reached out tentatively to trail her fingers over the crease in his forehead.

“It’s okay, Oliver,” she soothed, “You’re okay.”

He turned into her touch, his face relaxing, and she was certain that the next word to escape him was her name.

But her relief was short lived because before she could react, she was on her back beneath him, his weight pinning her to the floor, his hand at her throat.

A startled cry echoed in the small space and Felicity realized rather dazedly that it had come from her.

“Oliver!  Oliver, stop!” she gasped.

He blinked down at her, his dark blue eyes wide and wild, and his grip on her throat loosened.

“Flick?”

He scrambled away from her, backing himself into a corner, and she felt another crack forming in her heart for him.  He looked like a frightened animal.

She sat up slowly, her head spinning both from the pain and the momentary lack of oxygen, and lifted her hand to her throat.  Oliver winced and looked away.

“I’m sorry,” he breathed, “I’m so sorry, Flick.”

She shook her head and reached her hand out to him.  He backed further into the corner and she dropped her hand.  She drew her knees up to her chest.

“It isn’t your fault, Oliver.  I shouldn’t have tried to wake you.  You just – you seemed like you were in pain and I wanted to help you.  John and Lyla tried to tell me –“

He glared at her, “Why did you go to them?  You shouldn’t have –“

“Hey, don’t you yell at me, Oliver Queen!  You disappeared on me!  We weren’t finished talking!  And when I talked to my parents this morning and Dad told me that you wouldn’t be at Queen Manor, I didn’t know where to go.  He told me that John and Lyla might know where you were and I had to find you!  I was worried about you, okay?  I just wanted to make sure you were alright.”

Her chest was heaving by the time she was finished. 

The anger deflated out of him before her eyes and he sank to the floor.  He remained in his corner and mirrored her position, knees drawn to his chest.

“I could’ve hurt you, Flick.  I did hurt you.”

She shook her head again.

“I knew not to wake you.  Lyla warned me about… about your nightmares.  But I couldn’t stand seeing you like that.  I didn’t want you to hurt anymore.”

She crawled forward and Oliver dropped his knees, stretching his legs out in front of him.  Felicity settled herself at his side, as close as she could get, and lifted her hand to his face.

“Are they always about what happened to you?” she asked, “The nightmares, I mean.”

He gave her a sharp nod.

“I don’t – I don’t know how I lived through any of it, how I survived.  The things that they did to me, I’d never experienced pain like that.  I’d never experienced that kind of terror.”

The hand she had on his cheek shifted to the back of his head and she drew him forward, resting her forehead against his.

“But every time I wanted to give up, every time I told myself that it was okay to let go, I’d see your face and hear your voice and I knew that I had to come home to you, Flick.  You got me through it all.”

Her face was damp with tears and she almost laughed at herself for crying again.  Instead, she crawled into Oliver’s lap and buried her face in his neck, sobbing.

“Hey, baby, it’s okay.  I’m okay.”

Oliver shushed her but she only cried harder.

“I’m sorry!  I’m so sorry.  You came home to me and I – I wasn’t here!”

“Shh, Flick, I don’t blame you.  You didn’t know.  You couldn’t have known.”

His words did nothing to stem the flow of her tears.  Even though her face hurt and crying with her nose all bandaged up wouldn’t be pretty, she couldn’t stop.

“I would’ve waited,” she uttered, “I would’ve waited for you forever, Oliver.”

He cradled her face in his hands, thumbs skimming beneath the rims of her glasses to wipe at her tears.

“I’ve missed you so much, Flick.”

His breath was warm as it ghosted over her cheek and hers caught in her throat, her eyes fluttering closed in anticipation.  She had wanted him to kiss her from the first moment she’d seen him.

“Flick...”

His lips captured hers swiftly, warm and pliant and demanding.  She melted into him, opening her mouth when his tongue swept across her lips.  A soft moan punctured the air and Oliver’s hands delved into her hair, tangling in the strands.

It wasn’t until he bumped her nose, causing her to flinch, that he pulled away.

“I’m sorry.  Are you alright?” he asked gently.

She nodded, “Damn my sister and her stupid aim.”

He grinned and she felt a weight lift off of her shoulders.  Oliver tucked her hair behind her ears.

“I’m not going back to Coast City.”

He sat back, his blue eyes question as he looked down at her.  She hadn’t exactly intended to blurt it out the way that she had.

“Felicity, why –“

She took his face in her hands, stealing his signature move.

“I have spent the last ten years of my life with this cloud over my head.  I thought that I lost you but I didn’t.  You’re here so I’m going to be here, too.  I just want to be wherever you are.”

When Oliver didn’t respond, her nerves were ratcheted up a notch.

“Of course, only if that’s what you want…”

Oliver sighed, one corner of his mouth turned up, and she wondered if she was imagining the joy she saw in his eyes.

“I want you, Flick.  Always you.”

He pulled her to his chest, arms banding around her, and Felicity burrowed into his warmth.

They sat that way longer than they really meant to.  A cool breeze blew in from the only opening in the structure, a decent sized window just above his head, and the silence around them was punctuated by the occasional song from the birds outside.  But neither of them could be bothered by it.  The bubble of bliss they found themselves in seemed indestructible.

She trailed her fingers along the length of his forearm, pushing his shirt sleeve higher and higher with each pass.  His skin was warm and tan, the muscle there taut under her touch, and when she skimmed across the raised flesh of a scar, she paused.

“Oliver, will you tell me about this?” she asked.

He sighed heavily and kissed her forehead.

“A shard of broken glass.  It was thick and jagged and dirty.  When they – when they stabbed me with it, it went so deep that it nicked the bone.  They stitched it eventually.  They weren’t actually trying to kill me though so they cauterized the bleed and stitched the incision.”

Felicity shuddered.

“There are more,” she said quietly, “Will you tell me about some of them?”

She didn’t give him the chance to say no.  She slipped her fingers under the hem of his shirt and tugged it over his head.  With his bare torso right in front of her, she dragged her fingers across a large scar on his right shoulder.

“It looks worse than it was,” he told her when he could feel the tremors racing through her, “An arrow.  Straight through my shoulder from behind.  It scarred so badly because it wasn’t treated right away.”

She snorted to cover her pain, “An arrow?  Really?  How archaic.”

Her fingers traveled left to the tattoo that he had branded himself with.  She was familiar with the saying: once a Marine, always a Marine.  For Oliver, Felicity knew that it was true, that he would embody the saying because being a Marine had made him the man that he was.  It, and what he went through, shaped him.

“You asked me about my other tattoo,” he said, jostling her from her wandering thoughts, “About your name on my ribs.  I got that tattoo when I was nineteen, Flick.  I got it the day after you turned me down.”

She frowned, “Why?”

He shrugged, “Because I wanted a piece of you with me.  I wanted something to remind me of who I was when I was with you.”

Felicity kissed the corner of his mouth briefly before leaning away from him and pulling her sweatshirt over her head.

“Felicity, what are –“

She heard his sharp inhale and knew that he’d seen it where it peeked out over the edge of her camisole.  His calloused fingers brushed across the ink that stained her skin.

“Flick…”

She pushed her hair over her shoulder and tugged the straps of her bra and camisole out of the way. 

“After the memorial service, I needed something to help me get through.  Thea thought that I was crazy.”

Her own tattoo decorated her left shoulder.  It was small, a miniature replica of the carving from their tree, and she loved it.  She had a habit of touching the place on her shoulder whenever she needed something to soothe her.

“It’s beautiful.  You’re beautiful.”

She sighed at the rush of warmth that raced through her at his words, at his touch.

“How do we do this, Oliver?  What comes next?” she questioned, eyes falling closed briefly as his fingers continued to brush across her skin.

“What do you mean?”

“I’m staying here because I want to be with you.  My parents have already offered me my room back until we can… until you and I –“

“Until we what, Flick?” 

She groaned and shoved at his shoulder.

“I don’t know!  What do you want?”

He shrugged, “I told you, all I want is you.”

“But do we – do we just start over?” she asked.

Oliver shook his head slowly, “I don’t think so.  I don’t want to go back to the beginning, Flick.”

“Okay, so what do you want?”

He leveled her with a look that caused goose bumps to explode along her arms.  It sent a shiver dancing along her spine.

“The same thing I wanted ten years ago.”

She frowned, “Oliver, it’s been a long time and I love you but –“

“I swear to god, Felicity Meghan Lance, if you turn me down again…”

His words were practically a growl and she stared at him with wide eyes.

“Are you sure that this is what you want?”

“You kept me alive, Flick, through the worst years of my life.  The only thing I have ever wanted was you.”

Her heart was racing and a million questions were firing off in her brain.  So much time had passed, so much had changed, and Felicity didn’t know if what Oliver wanted was even possible.  She couldn’t know if a life together was something that they could make work.  But despite her doubts, she knew what she wanted.  She loved Oliver.  She wanted Oliver.

“Are you going to give me an answer, Flick?”

Felicity shrugged, “I didn’t hear an actual question so…”

He gripped her hips tightly.

“I asked you once.”

“And I gave you an answer then.  If you want a different answer, you have to ask a different question.  Well, no, same question but you need to ask again.”

He shook his head and shifted her off of his lap before she could protest.  She sat on his sleeping bag while he rummaged through his belongings.  He emerged a moment later with a familiar black box in hand.  It was a little banged up, a little dusty, but she knew that it would be the same ring inside.

“Put your shirt on.”

She frowned, “What?  Why?”

“Because I can’t propose to you when you’re half naked.”

She snorted, “Can I take a second to point out that you’re also shirtless?  And this isn’t me half naked, Oliver.  I’m wearing a tank-top for crying out loud.”

Oliver sighed and crawled back over to where she sat.  He remained on his knees in front of her.

“True, but I’m distracted by your body, not mine.”

Felicity rolled her eyes but put her sweatshirt back on at his request.

“Better?”

“Much.”

She waited, head tipped to the side as Oliver rolled the jewelry box between his hands.

“I’d thought I lost this.  I didn’t know what had happened to it.  When I came home, I found it in my effects.  They’d sent everything home to my mom but she never touched any of it.”

He opened the box and the modest ring inside made her breath falter.  It had been a long time since she’d seen it.

Oliver lifted his head and met her gaze.  She rose up on her knees.

“Oliver, I love you.”

He smiled, “I love you, too.  You’ve been my best friend for as long as I can remember and I’m not sure when exactly I fell in love with you, but I can’t seem to remember a time when I didn’t feel this way.  Will you marry me, Flick?”

She grinned, the action causing her nose to throb, and nodded.

“Yes, Oliver.  I’ll marry you.”

 


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we're almost there!

**Chapter Sixteen**

She lay beside him on top of his sleeping bag.  She had her head propped on his shoulder, her left hand resting in the center of his chest, and she admired the ring he’d slipped onto her finger.  She hadn’t stopped grinning since he put it there.

“I can’t believe how much has changed in four days.”

Oliver chuckled, “The world got turned on its head.”

“No, I think that happened when I’d thought I lost you.  I think the world is right back where it’s supposed to be.”

He sifted his fingers through her hair and she relaxed against him.

She hadn’t felt such peace, such an overwhelming sense of happiness, in a long time.  Felicity was smart enough to know that whatever came next wouldn’t be without complications.  Oliver needed help, someone who really understood what he’d been through, someone who could help him work through the nightmares that plagued him.  She would do what she could for him but she knew that, if he was going to get better, she wouldn’t be enough.  She would support him and stand by him, but he needed to talk to someone else about his experiences.

“What are you thinking about?” Oliver asked.

She shrugged, not ready to have that conversation with him yet, and took a different route.

“Just trying to figure out what I’m going to do with myself, I guess.  I’ll resign from Palmer Tech, obviously, and really, I can do software design from anywhere.  But I should probably find some kind of temporary work until I can establish myself.  And I don’t know about you, but I do not want to move back in with my parents.  At least not for long.”

“Why not?” he asked, looking utterly perplexed, “Your parents love you.  They want you there.”

She snorted, “Right but, really?  I don’t want to have to worry about having sex in my parents’ house, Oliver.  Not that I think we’ll be having sex.  I mean, I hope we will.  I just mean –“

He moved suddenly, flipping her onto her back and settling his weight on top of her.  She blinked up at him, startled, and he was grinning down at her.

“Flick.”

She swallowed hard and forced herself not to look down at his lips.  It was suddenly very warm in the tree house.

She hadn’t even been thinking about sex, not really, but now that he was on top of her and shirtless and she’d been reminded of what it was like to kiss him, she was definitely thinking about it.  She had missed him.

“I’ve missed you, too, Flick.  And if it makes you feel any better, I’ve wanted to make love to you since the first moment I saw you again.”

She flushed, not realizing that her brain and mouth weren’t working properly together.

“It’s cute when you babble,” he told her, hands cupping her face, “You babble when you’re nervous.”

She shrugged and bit her lip.

“Do I make you nervous?”

She shook her head, “No, Oliver, you make me happy.”

His brilliant smile made her heart race as he lowered his mouth to hers, applying the barest hint of pressure, and she sighed.

“I love you, Flick.”

He nipped at her bottom lip and Felicity sighed happily.  A rush of desire swirled low in her belly.  It had been so long since she’d been with him, so long since she’d felt the heat of his skin against her own, and longing lanced through her.

“Oliver…”

He kissed her then, a slow searing kiss that she felt all the way to her toes.  Her arms looped around his neck as she urged him closer.  His hips were cradled between her thighs and when he shifted against her, she felt the hard bulge of his erection.  She moaned at the contact, heat flooding her core, and clutched at his shoulders.

His lips left her mouth, pressing a line of kisses across her jaw and down the column of her throat.  When he nipped at the tendon where her neck and shoulder met, her hips jerked.

“Ol – Oliver,” she gasped.

He shifted off of her enough so that he could help pull her sweatshirt and camisole over her head.  When her shirts had been discarded, he carefully removed her glasses and set them out of the way.  His mouth was back on her throat then and she knew that the stubble on his jaw would undoubtedly mark her skin but Felicity didn’t care.  She had no plans to tell him to stop.  Hot, open-mouthed kisses burned a path across her chest and when Oliver pushed the cups of her bra down, exposing her breasts, her eyes slammed shut.  His lips closed around one stiff peak, sucking it into his warm mouth, and an unintelligible noise came out of her mouth.  She couldn’t have cared less how unattractive it was because, in that moment, nothing mattered except for Oliver’s teeth tugging at her nipple.

He ground his erection against her again and she thrust her fingers into his hair, pulling him away from her breast and finding his mouth with her own.

“Off,” she muttered, “Take them off.”

Her hands where at the waistband of his jeans, fumbling with the button, and Oliver brushed her away.  He divested himself of his pants and boxers in one go and before she could make another demand, he was working her leggings and panties down her legs.  Everything was tossed aside, it didn’t matter where, and then he was with her, rolling them over so that she was set atop him.  His erection was hard and thick against her center and she bit her lip to keep from squirming.

“Are you sure?” she murmured.

Oliver laughed, his hands holding both of hers above his chest.

“It’s a little late to ask me that, Flick.”

He shifted his hips and she groaned.

“Right.  Got it.  Not more stupid questions.”

She kept a hold of one of his hands for balance, the other dropping between them to find his length.  She squeezed him, pumping her fist around him once, twice before lining him up at her entrance.  When the head of his erection slipped inside, she whimpered.  Oliver squeezed her hand.

“Look at me, Felicity.”

She blinked down at him.  The love in his eyes, the need there, caused her heart to thump painfully in her chest.  She was finding it difficult to breathe.

Felicity shifted forward, sinking down along his length until he was seated fully inside of her.  She remained motionless for a long moment, allowing her body time to adjust to his size.  When the dull ache had passed, she began to rock her hips.

“Oliver,” she moaned, the head of his erection rubbing a spot deep inside of her that sent little shocks of pleasure down her spine.

His hands gripped her hips and hers settled on his chest.  He rocked up into her, his thrusts deep and steady, and she felt the pleasure building low in her belly.  It would go quick, she realized, but it didn’t matter.  They had all the time in the world to go slow.

She dug her nails into his skin and leaned heavily against him.

Oliver was panting, his chest damp, and one of his hands slipped between her thighs.  She hadn’t realized how close she was until his fingers slid across her clit and she cried out.

“Oh –oh god!  Oliver!”

She keened, a sharp stuttering wail that seemed to ricochet off of the walls as pleasure erupted inside of her.  Her muscles ached, her chest heaving, and her arms began to give.  She was close, so close, and she knew if he just…

“Come for me, Flick,” he ordered, “Come, baby.”

He rubbed her harder, faster, fingers sliding and circling and with the pressure of his digits against her and the gravelly command in his voice, she fell headlong over the edge.

“Oh… oh fu-“

Fire raced through her veins, burning her up from the inside, and she chased after it. 

She would’ve collapsed on top of him had he not chosen that moment to sit up, clutching her to his chest, his hands tangling in her hair.  His mouth fused to hers fiercely.  He kissed her as if he was trying to consume her, his hips pumping rapidly as he sought his own release, and she scrapped her nails across his scalp.

“Fli – Flick… oh fuck.”

He thrust into her hard and stilled, spilling inside of her, his mouth on hers as he breathed her in.

They say together, unmoving, barely breathing, neither of them making a move to disengage.

Oliver continued to kiss her, his mouth slow and sensual in its assault, and Felicity wrapped her arms around him.

“I love you,” he murmured.

She smiled, pressing a kiss to his closed eyelids.

“I love you, too, Oliver.”

When the breeze outside of their private little world picked up, she shivered.

“Come here.”

Oliver lay back on the sleeping bag beneath them and pulled her down with him.  He drew the cover over them and she snuggled against the heat of his body.

“So that happened.”

Oliver chuckled again, “I’m glad.”

“Me, too.”

She remained in his arms, drawing random patterns across his chest, and thought about where they were.  They had nowhere to live (Verdant was seriously not an option), she had no job (technically), and there were still ten years of separation between them.  But in that moment, none of it mattered.  She was happy.  Happy that he was safe, that he was home with her.  Whatever obstacles the future wanted to throw at them, she was sure they could handle them together.

“How’s your nose?” Oliver asked, his fingers dancing between her shoulder blades.

She shrugged, “It’s probably time for another pain pill but I’ll live.”

“Your mom is probably wondering where you disappeared to.  It’s been a couple of hours.”

She sighed, “And yet I have no desire to leave this place.  Where are we, by the way?”

Oliver laughed and a delicious little aftershock skittered across her nerves.  She bit her lip to keep from moaning.

“On Queen land, actually.”

She lifted her head from his chest and gazed down at him quizzically.

“Care to explain that further, Oliver?  I know this island like the back of my hand and I’m pretty sure I’d remember if you family owned more of it.  And I am sure we would’ve made use of this little oasis if we’d known it was here.”

Oliver grinned at her long winded question, twisting a lock of hair around his finger.

“It’s Queen land now,” he explained, “I bought it when I came home.”

“Oh.”

He shrugged, “It’s a good size.  Away from the busy area of downtown, away from all of the B&Bs and inns.  It’s remote and private.  I thought we could build here.  Make our home here.”

She propped both elbows on his chest and took in his earnest expression.

“You bought this for us?” she asked.

He nodded, “I did.”

“And you want to build a house here?  You want to build our home here?”

He nodded again.

Felicity grinned, her heart soaring, and pressed her lips to his.

“It sounds perfect, Oliver.”

He took her face in his hands again.

“Are you sure you’re okay with this?” he question, “Be honest, Flick.  I know it’s a lot to take in.”

She considered his question carefully.  Was she sure that she wanted to be with Oliver?  Was she sure that she wanted to marry him?  Absolutely.  Was she sure that this little piece of land could be the site of their future home?  That they could grow old there together?  That they could raise their family there?  Oh yeah, she was sure.  There wasn’t a doubt in her mind.

“I have never been more okay with anything in my life, Oliver.”

And then before he could ask again, she kissed him.

 


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are amazing! Thank you so much for all of your kind words, both on the last chapter and on this fic in general. I'm so happy that this fic got such a great response. This is it, the final chapter (minus the epilogue). I've had so much fun fiddling with this one again, I'm sad to see it end.... Epilogue should be up sometime this afternoon.

**Chapter Seventeen**

Felicity woke and found herself still sprawled across Oliver’s chest.  Late afternoon sun spilled in from the only window as his fingers carded through her hair.

She yawned and turned her face up to him.

“Hi.”

She flushed at the smug grin on his lips.  She hadn’t meant to fall asleep after the second blissful orgasm he’d awarded her with but she couldn’t help it.

“You feeling okay?” he asked her, brushing his lips across her forehead.

She shifted against him, cataloging minor aches and stiffness in her muscles.  It was nothing to complain about.

“I’m great, actually.”

She rose up to kiss him properly before sitting up beside him.  She clutched the sleeping bag to her chest and glanced around for her clothes.  A pile had formed against the far wall, her leggings and panties lay tangled on top.

“What time is it?”

Oliver sat up behind her and pressed his lips to her shoulder.

“Close to four, I think.  I don’t know where my phone is,” he told her, “Do you need to go home?”

She shrugged, “Mom is making a big dinner for everyone tonight.  You’ll come right?  And you should ask John and Lyla.  I need to ask Thea and Roy, too.  I got so distracted that I –“

“Flick, take a breath.”

She did as instructed and leaned back against him.

“I shouldn’t have stayed gone so long.  My mother is probably going crazy.”

Oliver shrugged, “You’ve got a phone, right?  I’m sure she would’ve called.  Besides, you’re a grown woman, Flick.  It’s not like we’re kids anymore.”

“Oh god,” she groaned, “She’s going to take one look at me and – and she’ll know!”

Felicity buried her face in her hands and immediately tried to think of some way to avoid an awkward conversation with her mother.

Oliver grinned against her back.

“She’ll know what, Flick?  That we’re engaged or that we had sex?”

She gasped, glancing down at her ring.  She’d forgotten all about it.

“I don’t want them to find out like that.  Just seeing the ring, I mean.  Would you be upset if I took it off?  Just until we can sit down and tell everyone?”

“Of course not.  We can tell them tonight at dinner.”

She nodded, eyes still on her ring as she twisted it around her finger.  It was small, modest and dainty, and she loved it.  She loved it because she knew that Oliver had chosen it for her.  She loved what it represented, a future, their future.  One she had thought had been taken from her long ago.  It represented Oliver and his love for her, his determination to come home to her.  Felicity suddenly couldn’t wait until she could place a ring on his finger and claim him as hers in front of their friends and family.

But there was something that she had to address, something she couldn’t put off any longer.

“Oliver, can I ask you something?”

“Anything.”

“Are you getting help?” she asked carefully, “Are you – is there someone that you’re talking to?  I can’t begin to understand what you’ve gone through but I… but I know that when you were gone, when I’d thought I lost you, I started seeing a specialist.  A grief counselor because I thought – because I didn’t know how to move on.”

He was quiet behind her, tense, and she continued.

“I just want you to be okay.  I want you to be healthy, Oliver.  I know you’ll never forget what happened over there but I want you to feel safe here, with me.  I want you to be able to cope.”

He withdrew from her, moving around her to their pile of clothes.  She watched as he tugged on his jeans.  She worried her lip between her teeth and waited for him to say something, anything.  Guilt ate at her.  Guilt for pushing him, guilt for ruining their happy little world so quickly.  He crossed his arms over his chest.

“I talk to her once a week.  She’s a psychiatrist that the Corps assigned me to almost as soon as I was debriefed.  I’ve been working through as much of it as I can.”

She nodded, clutching the fabric tighter to her chest.

“I don’t want to be like this, Flick.  I don’t – I don’t want to be broken.”

She was on her feet in a heartbeat, the ridiculous sleeping bag twisted around her body, and she moved until they were toe to toe.

“Oliver, I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean… you are not broken!  Do you hear me?  You are not broken,” she freed one hand in order to cup his jaw and draw his eyes to her face, “There may be a few dents in your armor, but you are not broken.  And we all have dents.  I’ve got plenty.”

His arms came around her and he held her to his chest.  She felt the rapid beat of his heart against her.

“We’ll get through this, Oliver.  I’ll be here, right here, and we’ll get through it together.”

He nodded, his face pressed to the curve of her shoulder, and she held him as best as she could given her state of undress.

When he pulled away a few minutes later, she accepted the quick kiss he pressed to her lips.

“We should probably get moving,” she suggested, “I think a shower is in order before I face my friends and family.  I mean, really, I don’t need everyone to know what we’ve been doing all day.”

“You mean besides getting engaged?” Oliver teased.

She was happy to see that his somber mood was lifting.

“Hmm, yeah, they certainly don’t need to know that we … celebrated.”

His brow rose, “Is that what we were doing?  I must’ve missed the memo.  I had celebration plans worked out for later.”

She felt a flush spread across her skin from head to toe.  She really needed to get dressed.  She reached for her leggings and panties, tugging them up her legs awkwardly.

“Really?  Do these plans of yours involve a bed because I’m not sure my back can handle this floor again.”

Oliver adjusted the straps of her bra for her before she slipped her camisole and sweatshirt over her head.  He slid her glasses onto her nose gently, careful of her injury, and tucked her hair behind her ears.

“Do you have somewhere I can…”

She wiggled the fingers of her left hand.  She wasn’t keen on the idea of removing her ring but she couldn’t let anyone see it yet.

Oliver nodded, rooting through a backpack she hadn’t noticed before, and came up with a silver ball-chain, his dog tags hanging from the end.  He removed the ring from her finger and slid it onto the chain.  She ducked her head and he draped the chair around her neck.

“Thank you.”

Oliver smirked, “You’re welcome.  Now come on.  We both need to shower before we face everyone.  What time is dinner?”

He went first down the ladder, taking her hand as soon as her feet touched the ground.  She wasn’t sure how long Oliver had been living out there, but it was long enough that he didn’t need a map.

They trekked the distance to John and Lyla’s house in comfortable silence and it wasn’t until they were standing at the end of the walk that she felt sadness tugging at her heart.  She looked up at him and knew that her emotions were on full display.

He took her face in his hands and ghosted a kiss across her lips.

“I’ll be as quick as I can,” he assured her.

She sighed, “I just – is it weird that I feel like an hour is too long?  That I don’t want to be without you for even a second?”

Oliver chuckled, shaking his head.

“Trust me, that feeling will go away soon.  Give me a few days and I’m sure I’ll find some way to annoy you.”

She snorted, “I have a feeling it’ll be me annoying you, Oliver.”

He kissed her again, lingering for just a moment, and took a step back.

“You’ll never be without me, you know?  Not really.  Now that I have you, I have no intention of letting you go,” he said the words as he walked backwards toward John and Lyla’s front door.

She grinned and began to back away.

“Promise?”

He nodded, “Promise.  I love you, Flick.”

“Love you, too.”

“Go home.”

“I’m going, I’m going!”

Her face ached.  Partly from her nose but, she realized, it was mostly from grinning.  She had her life back.  And not just because of Oliver, she thought.  She had run away from Star Island because being there without him had been unbearable.  She considered herself to be – in many respects – a strong woman.  But being on the island where they’d grown up, where they’d fallen in love, had been more than she could handle.  She’d walked away from the only life she’d ever known, friends and family and memories, and she’d forced herself to start over somewhere that the memory of Oliver wouldn’t be haunting her all along the way.

But, she realized, she never would’ve been happy in her new life.  Not really.  Because her life was on Star Island.  And she could finally take it back.

“Well you look… refreshed.”

She stumbled coming up the front porch steps.  She’d been so distracted by the joy flowing through her that she’d made the walk home practically blind.  Her mom was sitting on the porch swing, open book in her lap.

Felicity took in her comment and flushed to her roots.

“I take it you and Oliver had that _talk_ you were so desperate to have?”

She grimaced at her mother’s teasing tone.  There was no hiding her disheveled state.  It was clear that she and Oliver had done much more than talk.

Felicity bit her lip and nodded. 

“And I take it everything went okay?”

“Everything went fine, Mom.  We’re going to – I’m going to… I’m staying.  We want to be together.”

He mom smiled brightly.  It had been obvious to Felicity from the moment that she arrived back on the island that her entire family approved of Oliver Queen.  No one had been rude or untoward with Ray, but they certainly hadn’t taken to him the way they did Oliver.  She knew that a part of that was the fact that Ray was a stranger to them but the other part – the larger part – was the fact Ray didn’t make her smile the way that Oliver managed to.

“Well I for one am thrilled that you’re staying, sweetheart.  And Dad will be, too.  You’ve been gone for far too long.”

Felicity shrugged, “You know that saying ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’?  I never really believed that to be true but … but now, I don’t know.  I’m starting to think they were right.  And not just because of Oliver, but because of this place, too.  I’ve stayed away for so long but when I came back… I fell in love with Star Island all over again.”

“I’m glad to hear that, ‘Lis.  Now you may want to do something with yourself and do it quickly, I would think the family will start showing up in the next half an hour or so.”

She glanced at the screen of the cell phone in her hand.  She didn’t have long at all.

She cursed under her breath and dashed inside.  Taking the stairs two at a time, she was in her room with the door shut and in her bathroom in under three minutes.

Fifteen minutes later, Felicity emerged showered and in clean clothes just as the doorbell rang downstairs.  She twisted her wet hair into a quick braid over her shoulder, patted on a thin layer of makeup to mask as much of her bruise as possible, and made her way to the front door.

She found Thea and Roy waiting for her on the porch.

“Since when do you ring the bell?” she asked, “Normally you just barge right on in.  And I never got the chance to call… who invited you?”

Thea shrugged, “Your mom called me this morning.”

She hugged them both, lingering on Roy only because she had yet to see him since coming home.  He’d been like a brother to her when they were kids.

“Hey, Abercrombie.”

“Hey, Barbie.”

They grinned at each other and Thea laughed.  She pulled Roy along behind her into the kitchen and Felicity watched them go for a moment.  The sound of footsteps approaching caused her to turn and she caught sight of Iris coming up the walk, laughing at something her dad said.  She grinned.

“Mr. West!  You look great!  How are you feeling?”

She hugged Iris and her dad.

“I’m doing much better, Felicity, thanks for asking.  And stop with the Mr. West crap, its Joe.  It’s always been Joe.”

Felicity exchanged a smirk with Iris and ushered them inside.  They headed for the dining room and she stayed in the foyer, knowing she would need to be the welcoming committee for the rest of the guests. 

After ten minutes of greeting her family and friends, she was getting restless.  Everyone had arrived save for Oliver, her grandmother and Sara.  She was just contemplating calling the number Oliver had put in her phone earlier when the sound of Sara’s voice drifted in on the evening air.  She was babbling a mile a minute to someone and it only took Felicity a minute to realize it was Oliver her niece was entertaining.

They came up the walk in a group, her grandmother, Lyla and John, and Oliver, with a giggling Sara sitting loftily on his shoulders.  Her niece looked ecstatic with her place of pride so high above everyone else.

The sight that they made did something odd to Felicity’s stomach but she shook it away.  They still had to tell everyone that they were getting married.  There would be no discussion of babies.  Not yet anyway.

She waved at everyone, barely having time to catch Sara as she threw herself off of Oliver’s shoulders and into Felicity’s arms.  With her arms full of her niece, she wasn’t able to hug everyone but she did manage to give Oliver a chaste kiss which made Sara giggle.

“Is Ollie your boyfriend now?” her niece whispered.

Felicity glanced around as if no one was supposed to hear and whispered conspiratorially, “He’s my boyfriend.”

Sara giggled again and Felicity set her on her feet, watching as she followed her grandmother and the last of the guests into her parents’ dining room. 

She slipped her hand into Oliver’s and squeezed.

“You ready for this?” she asked

He nodded, “I have been, Flick.  For a long time.”

Dinner was a noisy affair.  With her friends and family gathered around the huge table, bottles of wine were passed around, plate after plate of her mom’s best dishes making the rounds, and Felicity felt more at ease than she had been in years.  She sat directly across from Oliver, her father seated at the head of the table to her right, to Oliver’s left, directly between them.  He didn’t talk much during the meal, really only speaking when someone addressed him directly, but she felt his eyes on her the entire time.

“Felicity?”

She blinked, turning to her father who was looking at her expectantly.  She’d obviously been caught staring at the man across from her.  Her dad grinned.

“What?”

He shook his head, glancing back and forth between her and Oliver.

“I asked you how you’re feeling but I’m going to guess from the vacant but serene expression on your face, that you’re pretty happy.”

She felt heat spread across her cheeks but nodded.

“I am.”

“And I’m going to guess that Ollie had something to do with that?”

Her mouth was suddenly dry as she glanced desperately at Oliver.  He smirked and gave her a little nodded.

She swallowed, “He did.”

Her dad’s gaze traveled between them again.

“Is there something that the two of you want to tell me?” he asked.

Felicity realized then that the rest of the table had fallen silent.  All eyes were on them and her heartbeat erupted in her chest.  She was certain she was sweating.  She kept her gaze locked on Oliver’s.

“Well?” her dad prompted.

Without breaking eye contact, Oliver said confidently, “I asked Felicity to marry me.  Again.”

Thea’s snort was the only sound to come from their guests but Felicity ignored it.

She grinned at Oliver, “And this time I said yes.”


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it! The final chapter! Thank you again to everyone who has taken the time to read this! I'm so glad that everyone enjoyed it the second time around!

**Epilogue**

She turned from side to side and took in her reflection.  The dress was soft white silk, the fabric light and snug against her form, and she smoothed her hands over her flat stomach.  It wouldn’t stay that way for long, she knew, but she hadn’t told him yet.  She hadn’t told anyone.  She and Oliver were getting married in less than two hours and she’d only learned that morning that they would be welcoming a baby in a few months.

Felicity shook her head.

Things had certainly changed for them in the last eighteen months.  She had resigned fully from Palmer Technologies and begun working from home, doing freelance web design while she started building her own internet security company from scratch.  She had friends, connections, and it had been a rocky start but the business was in a good place.  She had three employees, all of them working remotely from their own homes across the country, and the business was gaining momentum.

Oliver hadn’t been kidding about building their home on the land that he’d purchased.  Like her new business, drawing out plans for the house that would eventually become their home had started off rocky.  They’d agreed on a lot of things but it was more evident during that process that they had spent nearly a decade apart.  They’d grown up, they’d become different people, but even though they had their differences, the love that they felt for one another was still there.  It was stronger than ever, she knew, and she couldn’t wait to spend the rest of her life with him.

A soft knock on the door drew her attention and Felicity turned as Laurel entered.

She smiled at her sister.

“You look beautiful, Laurel.”

“Thank you, ‘Lis.  You look… wow.  You’re going to take his breath away,” her sister assured her.

Their relationship, while still strained at times, had been stitched back together slowly, painfully, and a year and a half after Laurel returned to Star Island, she was sober and healthy and living at Verdant with their parents.  She’d gotten the help she needed – court ordered at first – and had made a great effort to be a mother to her daughter.  She’d certainly turned a corner and Felicity could only pray that she stayed on the right path.  It was good to see her family happy.  To be a part of such a family.

“Aunt Lissy!”

Sara burst into the room, a whirlwind of energy in her soft purple dress, a ring of daisies in her wild hair. 

“Hi, baby.  You look wonderful!” she exclaimed, crouching as much as her dress would allow in order to brush the unruly hair from Sara’s face.

“Aunt Lissy, Gram says it’s time now.  You need to come downstairs.”

She stood as Sara disappeared just as quickly as she’d arrived and turned to her sister.

“You nervous?” Laurel asked, linking their arms and leading Felicity from the room.

She nodded, “Is it obvious?”

Laurel laughed, shaking her head.

“No, but it’s understandable.  You deserve this, ‘Lis.  You deserve this happiness, this joy.  And I know how much you love Oliver.  You two have been through hell and back and I’m just glad you’re finally here, that you’re getting what you’ve wanted since we were kids.”

Felicity squeezed Laurel’s hand.  When they reached the top of the stairs, their father was waiting for them.  Laurel kissed his cheek before releasing Felicity and heading down the stairs to where the rest of the wedding party waited.  Her father took her hand and squeezed.

“Oh, ‘Lis, you look…”

He cleared his throat and she saw the sheen of tears in his eyes.  She shook her head.

“No, don’t!  Don’t make me cry!”

He chuckled at her startled exclamation and pressed a kiss to her forehead. 

“You look stunning, pumpkin.”

Felicity swallowed around the lump in her throat and clutched his hand tightly as he led her down the stairs.  Iris, Thea, Barry and Roy stood in the entry and they were all grinning as she stepped off the last stair.  She felt her knees shaking.

“Everyone ready?” her mother asked, appearing from the dining room.

Donna took one look at Felicity and a soft sob escaped her. 

“Mom!” she groaned, “No crying!  I’m going to start blubbering the minute I walk out that door, I can’t start now!”

Her friends and family laughed as she turned to beam at each of them.  It was finally time. The love of her life was only a few yards away, waiting at the altar for her.  John was out there with him, she knew, waiting to officiate the wedding but she was suddenly anxious to go and join her groom.  She didn’t want him to be alone anymore.  He had spent too much time alone.

The soft sounds of music floated in and Sara squealed excitedly.  She stood just inside the screen door, ready to make her exit.  The ceremony would take place on the front lawn before their guests got to party in the backyard and Felicity had only seen glimpses of the space throughout the day as she’d gotten ready with Thea and Iris and Laurel.  She wanted to get the full picture but she knew the moment she crossed the threshold, her eyes would be glued to the man she would soon call her husband.

“Alright, honey, it’s your turn first, okay?” Laurel was saying to Sara, “Don’t forget, two steps and toss some flowers, okay?  You don’t want to run out before you get to Ollie.”

Sara nodded, her curls bouncing, and smiled broadly as she stepped out onto the porch.

Felicity watched as Laurel followed her daughter in the procession and then Iris and Barry stepped out, leaving Roy and Thea – the maid of honor and best man – to round out the bridal party.  When they had all reached their places at the end of the aisle, her father squeezed her hand.

“You ready for this, kiddo?”

She nodded, tears already blurring her vision.

“I’ve never been more ready for anything in my life, Dad.”

He grinned at her and together they moved forward.  Her breath caught in her throat as she glanced around at the faces of their friends and family.  The people she and Oliver had known all their lives, people who had watched them grow up, had gathered with them for the best day of their lives and Felicity couldn’t have been happier.  When her gaze landed on Oliver, her heart burst with joy and love and gratitude.  She had feared for so long that she’d lost him forever but somehow, miraculously, he’d come home to her.

Her father placed her hand in Oliver’s, stating that he and her mother were happy to give her away, and as she faced her groom, everything else faded into the background.  She dutifully repeated her vows, her voice thick with tears, and when Oliver began to speak the words to her, she reached up to brush the moisture from his cheeks.  She gave him a watery smile as she slid the ring over his knuckle and when her own ring had been placed on her finger, he lifted her hand to his mouth to press a kiss to the band.

Before she knew it, John was proclaiming them husband and wife.  Oliver took her face in his hands, grinning down at her, before kissing her reverently.

They walked – darn near ran – back down the aisle, ducking into the house, and Felicity let Oliver lead her off into a quiet corner of the living room.  He backed her into the wall, his large frame blocking her from anyone who could possibly interrupt them, and cradled her face in his hands.  She had told him once, not long after they were reunited, how much she loved it when he did that.  He did it every chance that he got.

“I love you, Flick.”

She grinned up at him, “I love you, too, Oliver.”

He kissed her, nipping at her lip gently.

“My wife.”

She sighed happily, “My husband.”

They didn’t have long before the bridal party would filter into the house, followed by her parents, and Felicity took one last opportunity to steal a kiss from her new husband.

“This has been … it’s been the best day of my life, Oliver.”

“Second best, for me, I think.”

She gaped at him and he smirked, his large hands keeping her still as he leaned close again, breathing his words into her mouth.

“The day they rescued me, the day I knew I would get to come home to you, that was my best day, Flick.  I have only ever wanted you.”

Warmth flooded her.

“I have something to tell you.  I – I’m pregnant.”

Oliver gazed down at her, his blues eyes darkening, and an emotion that – if she was being honest - looked like pride flickered behind his lowered lashes.  His left hand pressed against her abdomen.

“Are you sure?” he asked, his voice low and thick.

She nodded, “Positive.  Are you – what are you thinking, Oliver?”

He took a slow steady breath, his eyes slipping closed, and rested his forehead against hers.

“I’m thinking that this day couldn’t get any better.  God, I love you.”

Tears slipped from her eyes again and he caught them with his thumbs.  She had no words to express her love for him.  There were no words strong enough.  So she did the only thing she could in that moment.  She surged up onto her toes and kissed him.

 


End file.
